“Talk to me,” he says. It’s a soft demand, one that tells me to reach for the Band-Aid. “I can see it in your eyes, Piper.”
I let out a tiny breath. “See what?”
“You weren’t ready.”
My heart hurts. “I…” I close my eyes for a moment and push past the swirl of thoughts that flood my mind.
I’m drowning. Drowning in my indecision and pain, wondering if I’ll survive if I submerge myself under the murky waters of my conscious. I want freedom from the pain that shoots through me like a drug in my bloodstream. I need clarity.
Just once.
Swallowing hard, I open my eyes. There are no tears that greet my ducts or a sharp breath that escapes my lips like I can no longer breathe. I asked for a temporary freedom and was given it enough to have this moment.
“I’m sorry.” Two little words with such a large meaning are out in the open between us. His eyes dull slightly, but his lips pull up into a knowing smile. I see his hurt, but I see something else too.
Understanding.
“You don’t have to apologize,” he tells me simply, reaching out and squeezing my hand. It tugs on my heartstrings but not as much as when he adds, “Make sure he treats you well, Piper. You deserve that even if you think you don’t.”
I stare without blinking, taking in his acceptance and wondering if he’d always known. He’d had hope, but he wasn’t holding onto it like I’d done for so long. “When you kiss me,” I say in a cautious whisper, “what do you feel?”
He looks to the hall for a quick moment before leaning forward and brushing his lips against my cheek. “I’m not sure it matters what I feel, Piper. What’s important is what you do, and I’ll never pressure you to pretend that you feel more than you do. I mean it. You deserve to know what happiness feels like.”
Drawing my bottom lip into my mouth when he pulls away, I feel the ghost touch of his lips on my cheek. “Have you felt that? Happiness?”
He smiles. “Once upon a time.” But not now. “I want to be clear with you about something. I like spending time with you, hearing your thoughts, and listening to your laugh. I love seeing how much you care about Ainsley, and how you hold onto memories of Danny. I’m happy, Piper, and was happy with you. But I’ll be just fine. Just like you will be.”
I want to ask him how he knows, how he sounds so sure. I don’t though. Keeping the questions at bay, I give him a terse nod and take a deep breath. We’re not breaking up because we never really dated. He’s right. We had fun together in each other’s company. It was a friendship that got mixed up in the possibility of something more.
It was just never going to be enough.
“You’re graduating in a few weeks,” he notes, changing the topic like we’re not just ending something.
I manage to nod, a little taken aback. “I have a ticket for you. If you want it, of course. My family said they’d love to see you. Jesse will be there…” Rubbing my arm, I curse myself for even bringing it up—the ticket, my family.
“I’m not going to tell them.”
My eyes pop up to his.
He shakes his head. “What happened can stay between us. I’m fine with that. Jesse, your parents, they’ll never know. And as long as you’re comfortable with me going, I’d love to. It’s been great getting to know you, Piper. I have no doubt in my mind you’ll go far.”
A new kind of emotion takes over, thickening my throat. Gratitude. “In case I’ve never told you, I admire you. You gave me a chance even when I was rude to you. I wouldn’t be graduating if you hadn’t.”
“You’re a natural teacher.”
“I had help,” I say, an easy smile finally gracing my lips. “And thank you for…” For what? For understanding? For not telling my family? For keeping us a secret? I settle with, “everything.”
He pushes himself up and stuffs his hands into his pockets. “I told you I’ve got your back, and I mean it. This doesn’t change anything, Piper. You’re going to graduate and go on to do amazing things, and I’ll be there no matter what form. Friend. Family acquaintance. Former professor.”
“You’re too nice, Professor Ford.”
He chuckles at my teasing. It feels good to hear the sound, like I won’t