A fake smile spreads across my face as I tip my head at his prying eyes and turn to grab the stack of graded papers he asked me to hand out to everyone to help learn their names.
Class passes.
He stares.
I avoid.
And when the students don’t give me an excuse to deflect his lingering gaze any longer, I have no option but to try leaving before he can say anything about what I admitted. He doesn’t have to tell me that I should be ashamed for how I felt, or what I thought and hoped. I’ve been sick from guilt knowing what Danny must have thought about me in his last moments.
Did he love me even as a friend? Or despise me for pushing the line? Every time I let my mind wander to that place, another piece of me shatters inside.
“Piper, wait up,” he calls, gathering his belongings as quickly as possible before I can make it to the door. He walks up beside me with firm eyes that are hard to look into. “You’re not pathetic. You’re human. A girl who had hope.”
I roll my eyes. “Hope doesn’t always get us anywhere, Professor. It’s when you have too much of it that makes you pitiful for holding on by a thread.”
“That’s not a bad thing.” He tilts his head and adjusts his messenger bag. “Listen, I think it’s admirable what you’ve done for him and his wife. I can tell just from the short interaction that you love his little girl. And she loves you.”
I have to look away, so he doesn’t see the tears begin welling up in my eyes. I’m grateful he doesn’t push me on the matter, tell me to look at him, or get me to talk.
All he says is, “If it makes you feel any better, I think Danny did love you.”
I huff out a dry laugh. “Not in the way that counted.”
His retort stops my bitter thoughts. “Is there any form of love that doesn’t count in the long run?”
When I finally look up, he just smiles softly and walks out the door. I watch him wave to somebody before pushing open the glass doors and disappearing outside. I manage to loosen a breath and shake the tension out that my body succumbs to on days like this.
The days where I admit the truth.
I hate myself.
Because I feel like I’m responsible for Danny’s death.
On days when my mood turns into an all-time low, I’m grateful for my best friend. It takes one phone call for her to be on top of the responsibilities I shouldn’t put second to my mental health, but when the weather gets bad, my anxiety takes over until I can’t breathe.
It’s only knowing that Ainsley is at Jenna’s with an array of bad food I can’t even be upset over that allows me to drag out a few deep breaths in my car. My car that won’t start. The very same vehicle sitting in the nearly abandoned lot on campus.
Honestly, I should have expected as much. Whenever the temperature goes below zero, the Highlander acts up. Last time it stopped working the local dealership told me there was nothing they could do. That left me and Ainsley stranded for over an hour until a tow truck and my dad could come to rescue us.
My hands stay gripped on the steering wheel as I rest my forehead against the top of the worn leather. I let out a shaky breath that fogs the air from the negative five-degree weather and try figuring out a plan. Neither of my parents would get here before my face goes numb, and I wouldn’t want them or Jenna and Ainsley, to drive in the flurry we’re having.
If I had watched the weather more closely, I wouldn’t have stayed so long at the tutoring center with my last student. It’s rare to have people who want the help, much less accept it when offered. I wasn’t going to let anyone down by cutting out early because of a little snow.
I scream when knuckles tap against the window, jerking up to see Carter squinting inside. When we lock eyes, his widen like he wasn’t expecting it to be me pathetically sitting in the driver’s seat.
Shoulders dropping, I slowly open the door and give him my best smile. Though the defeat wavering the corners probably doesn’t make it very believable. He and I have been fine since I started assisting his classes almost two weeks ago. We