Clarity - Nicole Dykes Page 0,61
me.” I haven’t since the night I gave her the ring. We’ve had sex in different positions, but I haven’t actually kissed her lips.
“What? Twice? Once when you fucking begged me?”
She shakes her head at me, angry and betrayed by my words, and I know I'm being a dick, but I can’t stop. I hate that I’m freaking out. But my body is on high alert from one mere touch on my thigh.
On a night that should be celebrated.
“I like your kiss.”
I shake my head. “You shouldn’t.”
“Rhys, don’t push me away.” Her plea is a whisper and hits me deep in my chest.
“Let’s just go back to dinner.”
One single tear falls down her cheek as she nods her head, but she doesn’t look triumphant. I know she’s full of worry, and she should be. I can’t ever be anything close to normal. I’m always going to freak out at the most obscure moments. The strangest things are going to trigger me, and she’s going to have to clean it up and deal. It’s not fair to her.
This is our reality.
We made it through dinner, and I was careful to keep my distance. I know he’s on edge. I know the hearing was hard for him, but I wish he’d let me in. After everything we’ve been through together, it stung when he said it was all pretend.
I know it’s not.
After dinner, we drop the boys off at their respective foster homes, and Bree goes upstairs. I know she’s happy we won. But she’s a smart kid, and I’m sure she can feel the tension between Rhys and me.
“I’m going to the gym,” Rhys says as he watches Bree’s door close from where we’re standing at the bottom of the stairs.
“Please talk to me.” I know I sound weak, but I don’t care. I’ll be weak for him.
His head droops as he rests his palm against the door, facing away from me. “I can’t. I have to go.”
I hold back tears as he opens the door and leaves. When the door closes, I watch him back out of the drive through the window and try not to break. I don’t think he’s okay. I know he’s struggling, and I shouldn’t have let him leave.
Hours later, after lying in my bed and looking up at the ceiling through the dark, I hear the front door and don’t waste time rushing downstairs. I need to make sure he’s okay.
He’s not in the foyer. Or the living room. I see the back patio door slightly ajar. My heart is rapidly thundering in my chest as I walk out the door, pulling it closed behind me. It’s chilly out, the air crisp with the autumn cold, but Rhys is only in gym shorts and a cut-off shirt, his hair damp from the gym’s shower.
“Rhys, you’ll freeze out here.”
He turns to look at me, his eyes almost vacant, and I yearn to see the fire in them. “You’re one to talk . . .” His eyes skim my body since I'm only wearing a satin nightie.
“Well, let’s go inside.”
He sits on the pavement of the patio, and that’s when my eyes drop to his hand, and I see he has a glass bottle in it, a whiskey bottle.
No.
“Rhys . . .” It’s timid and hesitant, but it doesn’t pull his gaze toward me. He only stares at the bottle which appears to be full.
“Don’t,” he begs me with his deep voice. “I just want it to stop. I want to forget.” His chin lifts, and now all I see in his tortured eyes is agony. “Why can’t I just forget?”
My heart splinters for him as I nod toward the bottle of alcohol that is literally poison to any addict. Like Rhys. “That won’t help.”
“It will for a little bit.” He looks wild and desperate, like he’s climbing out of his skin. “I can drink it and strip you naked, get lost. You’ll like it. I’ll be uninhibited and do anything you want. You can touch me, and I'll fuck you anyway you want.”
I shake my head adamantly. I know he thinks I'm not fully satisfied, but I don’t understand how he could think that. My body responds to him in every single way. “It won’t be you. I don’t want that.”
He looks back at the bottle. “You can’t stop me, Blair.”
“Yes. I can.” I take another step close to him and his eyes track the movement. “You aren’t pretending with me.” I lift my ring finger