Clarity - Nicole Dykes Page 0,45

you doing?”

“We’re married now, Rhys. For better and worse and all that. We’re going to have to figure out how to have sex.”

I’m irrationally angry now, which of course turns me into an asshole. “If you need it that fucking bad, I’m sure you can find a dick to ride.”

She looks at me, burying the hurt and trudging forward because that’s Blair. “I don’t want just any dick.” Her eyes move to my lap where my cock is still up and ready, even if my mind is fucked. “I want yours. My husband’s. On our wedding night.”

It isn’t just about sex. I can see it in her eyes. She needs this. She wants to heal me even if I don’t deserve it. Even if she’ll fail. And she will fail.

“I had a panic attack from a kiss.” My heart is still beating far too fast in my chest.

“So, we’ll work into this slowly.” She turns away from me, but she doesn’t move. “Do you want me, Rhys?”

She can’t see me, but I nod my head. My voice is strained with anxiety and desire. “Yes.”

She moves to sit on my lap, facing away from me. “So, baby steps. If it’s too much, we stop. No matter what we’re doing, but sex is supposed to feel good. And you should want it. If you don’t have both parts of the equation, then it’s not sex. It’s betrayal. It’s abuse. It’s rape.”

I flinch at her words, but I know she’s right. And holy fuck, do I want this as she guides my cock between her legs and I slide inside of her. “You’ll get tired of this, Blair.” I whisper in her ear and feel her body shudder as she moves her hips, guiding my cock further into her.

“How could I tire of this?”

I let my hands travel forward and cup her bare breasts, pinching her nipples and letting myself enjoy her moans.

“I may never be able to kiss you again.”

She’s panting as she rides me reverse cowgirl style, and I squeeze her tits in my hands. “You will. It was too good not to do it again.”

“Right. When I freaked out.”

Her head leans back into my chest as she uses her hands as leverage against the chair, riding me and bringing us both toward release.

“I’m not afraid of you, Rhys. I want every part of you.”

I try to tell myself she’s lost in ecstasy, but I know she means it. One of my hands dips lower, finding her clit and making slow circles coaxing her orgasm from her.

“Rhys,” she moans my name, and I close my eyes, breathing her in, reminding me exactly who I'm fucking.

“You’re in trouble, Blair. I’ll crush you.”

“Or I’ll heal you.”

I hope she’s right. I want her to be right so fucking badly.

“I’m damaged beyond repair.”

“Come with me, Rhys.” Her voice is higher as she approaches her orgasm, and I feel the rush bubbling up through my entire body as I rub her clit and hold her breast with my other hand, pulling her back against my chest, wanting to feel her. “If we break, we’ll do it together, and then we’ll pick up the pieces.”

I moan near her ear, and she rocks against me, coming around my cock as I come deep inside her, allowing one moment of freedom from everything else.

But an overwhelming fear washes over me once it’s over because what if it never happens like this again?

I’m naked and laying flat on my back on the king-sized bed. I should have moved to the chair I've been sleeping on hours ago because I’ve slept maybe a couple of hours all night, scrunched to the edge of the bed, nearly falling off.

Because I’m incredibly fucked-up. After we both finished with Blair on my lap last night, she asked me to come to bed. And after my wife—paper or not—my legal wife, told me she wouldn’t touch me while we slept, I reluctantly agreed.

And now, she’s naked and asleep on her side of the bed. She put a line of fluffy pillows between us to assure me that we wouldn’t touch.

I swivel my head to look over at her across the pillow barrier. The covers are pulled over most of her body, but I can see the hint of her right nipple peeking out. God, she’s beautiful.

She’s everything I don’t deserve.

I’ve done so many fucked-up things in my short life. I’m certain I’ll do more. And to top it all off, a normal man would be