her heart was pumping slush through her veins, and drove.
Anywhere that wasn’t here.
Nico stayed up late in case Hannah came, thinking about her warm lips and hot mouth. Waiting, tied to the cottage by sleeping girls upstairs, he opened the Christmas box of Roses chocolates and ate about twenty. For the seconds the sugar was in his mouth he felt better.
When the comfort swung to guilt he drank black coffee to drown the taste of the chocolate and resisted the urge to purge. It was strong but he was stronger, he told himself. Everyone got urges and you had to challenge those suckers. That’s what he’d told Loren this evening.
Why hadn’t Hannah come to discover why he and the girls hadn’t attended the Christmas Opening of Carlysle Courtyard? He was glad she hadn’t walked into Loren and Vivvi’s visit, though. They’d upset the girls, disturbing the happy, calm atmosphere with their false smiles and supposedly disguised conversation that Josie had kept catching on to. ‘What do you mean “if things change”? What responsibilities?’ With them there, it had taken all his powers of persuasion to get the girls to bed, Josie still questioning, Maria clinging.
Then Loren had grabbed his hands. ‘Nico, you’re my only hope.’
Vivvi had lost her temper. ‘I should just leave Loren here!’
Nico had replied through gritted teeth. ‘Don’t try to manipulate me. How would abandoning your daughter affect her mental health?’
Vivvi burst into tears. ‘Everything’s been left to me. Nobody worries about my mental health, living with an invalid and a flake.’
‘No one worries about mine but I’d never use such insensitive language,’ Nico had been stung into lashing back.
She’d flashed triumphantly, ‘See! You do still care!’
Eventually, reluctantly, the two women had returned to Reading to let Nico think things over. Maybe it’d been a blessing Hannah hadn’t shown up but he couldn’t sleep for wanting to know she was OK. He wished like hell Maria hadn’t washed his phone or that he had a handset to plug into the landline. The messaging app on his laptop wouldn’t work without the mobile phone to sync to. He’d never had a use for Hannah’s email address so didn’t have it. He jumped on Facebook but there was nothing more recent from her than a picture of the snowman family in Lars’s garden. He didn’t bother trying Rob because it was late … and surely he’d find Hannah at Nan Heather’s tomorrow.
Then Maria woke screaming, pointing to a shadow on the floor and yelling, ‘Witch! Witch!’
Nico dredged up the strength to chuckle. ‘It’s not a witch. It’s your shadow, sweetheart. The shelf behind you is giving it a pointed head, that’s all.’
Josie complained sleepily, ‘No one’s afraid of their own shadow, Maria.’
Nico lay down to cuddle Maria back to sleep. Next thing he knew, it was Sunday morning and she was shaking him awake by his nose.
Whether it was sleeping late or tension from the evening before, the girls greeted the day in difficult moods.
‘Has Mum gone? Is she back at Grandma’s? Are we still going to be with Hannah for Christmas?’ Josie demanded, her small face pinched.
He tried to distract her. ‘Shall we go for a walk through the village to count Christmas trees after breakfast?’
But she refused to be distracted. ‘Is Mum taking Maria back? I don’t want her to.’ She threw herself at him and clung, sobbing. Maria screwed up her face and joined in, seeking comfort. ‘Mydad! Mydad!’ It was impossible to do anything but gather them up and say soothing things – not that he had a huge stock of those.
Loren was entitled to take Maria back. The child’s welfare was paramount – Gloria Russell, the case worker, had told him that – but what was best for Maria was not clear-cut. Loren could probably do an OK job if she remained with her parents but if she took Maria back to Islington alone Nico would never have a quiet minute, unless he took Josie back to Islington too, ready to step in, even though he assumed social services were watching the situation too.
He could see exactly why Loren had come up with her plan. Forming the four of them into a family unit would give her someone to lean on, Maria a reliable parent and Josie both her parents in one place. It would change all their lives.
After a beautiful frosty day yesterday, rain now beat at the windows. Hoping it would ease,