Christmas Tales - Brandon Witt Page 0,5

of five not equaling a ten. Maybe if there was two of me….

Work. The great equalizer and king of all small talk. “So, what do you do that you have to go to bed early and that you get a Christmas vacation.”

“I’m a teacher. And I like to work out before school, so I wake up around four-thirty every day.”

Teacher. Didn’t see that coming. Cowboy. Mechanic. Model for cigarette companies, sure. “Do you teach shop or something? Coach?”

“No. Kindergarten.”

What the holy fucking fuck? A gay guy who’s a ten and teaches kindergarten?

Now my body and my heart both had a hard-on.

If he said he rescued abused puppies, I would be done for.

“Any pets?”

His brows knitted in confusion. Apparently I had slipped into twenty questions.

“I actually just lost my dog a few weeks ago. He’d been sick for a while.”

Hot, tenderhearted, and needing comfort. This actually could be an equation where a ten and a five added up to an unusual mathematical solution, for a little while at least.

Dear God, save me.

It was Logan who saved me instead. “And you? Your family won’t miss you?”

Thank you, Lord Logan! If anything could make an erection deflate, it would be my family. “Similar to your aunt. A bunch of Bible beaters, and not the nice kind. So, no. Christmas is not a family thing any longer.”

The hurt on his face was truly genuine, and oddly comforting. Maybe an eleven on the ten-point scale wasn’t so stupid. “Oh, jeez, that’s horrible. At least my aunt’s the only homophobic nut job.” His brown eyes met mine, and the corners crinkled into a smile. “You can spend Christmas with us. My brother and his wife won’t mind. Plus, he’s less likely to murder me over the snowmobile if there’s a witness.”

In my experience, most men who looked like this one didn’t act like this. At least not to me. Logan had to be some type of Christmas miracle. Or a delusion.

Maybe I had gotten run over by the snowmobile and I was unconscious from a blow to the head from a recently fallen spruce. I could be dying under the accumulating snow at this very minute, dreaming of a man who was as sweet as he was hot.

Ah, whatever. There are worse ways to go.

“Thank you. That’s very kind of you.” I cleared my throat, suddenly caught with emotion. “Christmas is better now than it used to be actually. Every Christmas evening, I have my Gay Boy Christmas Dinner. A bunch of my closest friends come over. It used to be just the ones of us who had families like mine, and we’d do it Christmas morning. But then, our friends with families like yours wanted to join, so we moved it to evening so they could come over after their families. It’s pretty great. A huge dinner, I’m a really good cook.” I patted my lack of a six-pack. “And we do the Horny Elf Exchange, which is always a ton of fun. There’s a lot of laughter and love there. It’s my favorite night of the year, actually. While everything is prepped, I need to spend the morning finishing the cooking and such. Thank you for the offer to be with your family, though.” And I so wanted to invite him in return.

“What’s a Horny Elf Exchange?” There was the sound of a laugh in his voice.

“Oh, right. I forget not everyone knows about it. It’s the same thing as a white elephant exchange. Except, we each bring the sluttiest, dirtiest, or most profane Christmas item we can find. We try to outdo each other, of course. I think I’ll win this year. I found this dildo shaped like Ms. Clause. She lights up in flashing green and red, and plays ‘O Holy Night’ as she vibrates.”

Logan did laugh then, and gave me an unreadable expression.

“What?”

He shrugged, and this time I was distracted by the mass of his shoulders. “I just didn’t expect that. You seem so straitlaced. I would have pegged you for a wine exchange or something. Not who can find the best dildo or whatever.”

My cheeks heated. “Yeah. Not the classiest thing I guess. Probably offensive to most people.”

His grin was brilliant. “I love it. I would love to see that in action.”

“Well, you’re more than welcome to join of course. It’s not till five, so if your brother doesn’t murder you, you can show. I’ve made extra food and have a spare Horny Elf gift, so you wouldn’t need to