Christmas at Lilac Cottage - Holly Martin Page 0,87

of the room, backwards, gripping his mouth really hard so Daisy wouldn’t hear him laugh. The clock ticked on the kitchen wall and no one said anything. Penny hadn’t wanted Daisy to think that she was sleeping around, especially if she and Henry were going to come out the couple closet in a week or so. She wanted Daisy to know that she was serious about her dad and that he wasn’t just a fling to her. But surely this was worse than Fabio coming round for a late-night booty call and now any respect that Daisy had for her had gone.

‘You were watching porn?’

‘Well no, not really. I put the telly on in the bedroom and fell asleep. I woke up an hour later and this couple were at it like rabbits on the screen, shouting and moaning and he was grabbing her breasts. They were sweaty and oily and…’ Oh god, she was talking about porn with a sixteen year old. ‘It was quite disgusting.’ No, not disgusting, she didn’t want Daisy to think that there was anything wrong or dirty about sex. ‘I mean, not disgusting, sex isn’t disgusting with two people that love each other, it’s beautiful.’ Penny heard a whimper of laughter from the other room. ‘But the oily couples were a bit disgusting, couple, just one couple, it wasn’t an orgy. Porn films always seem to grease their couples up to make them look all shiny, I don’t know how sex is possible when they are so slippery, surely the man would just slip straight off the woman and the sheets must be covered in it afterwards. The oil I mean not…it.’ She had to stop talking but the nerves had completely disengaged her mouth from her brain now. ‘I just don’t get why porn films think that’s attractive but they all seem to have these glossed, shiny bodies. Not that I’ve watched a lot of porn, you understand. I mean I haven’t watched any. I never watch it. But I’ve seen it. Accidentally. Late at night it’s been on. The soft stuff, not hard core porn obviously. Just, you know, a lot of moaning and repair men turning up to fix a leaky washing machine and the couple end up doing it on the kitchen floor. That kind of stuff. That I never watch. Ever. But yes, it was on when I woke up and I turned it off immediately because it was disgusting, erm, the oiliness that is.’

Silence again, punctuated by tiny whimpers coming from the other room.

‘So, I need to go and walk Bernard.’

Daisy nodded, numbly.

‘Good luck for, erm…later.’

Still no words from Daisy and Henry clearly wasn’t going to help her out.

‘I thought perhaps we could go Christmas tree shopping later, you guys need a tree and we could go and pick one and then you and your dad can decorate it.’

Daisy nodded again and Penny walked out, flashing an evil glare at Henry as she left who was biting into a cushion to try to stop the laughter from spilling out.

* * *

Penny saw Henry pull back up onto the drive later, after he had dropped Daisy off at school. She hadn’t seen him all morning, which she was thankful for. She had never been more embarrassed in her life.

He walked round the back of the house and grinned when he saw her, letting himself into her kitchen.

‘Hi,’ he said.

‘I hate you.’

He burst out laughing. ‘What did you want me to do?’

‘You could have helped me.’

‘You were doing fine on your own.’

She laughed with embarrassment. ‘I talked to your daughter about porn.’

‘Well yes, probably not your finest moment, but I haven’t laughed like that in forever.’

‘I’ve probably scarred her for life.’

‘I doubt it, she’s a hardy sort. Besides, she does know about sex, it’s not like she leads a sheltered existence. I’ve made sure I’ve talked to her about all that. I don’t want her to end up pregnant at sixteen like her mum did.’

‘She thinks I watch porn.’

‘Oh no, I think she’s very clear that you find porn disgusting.’

She couldn’t stop laughing. ‘Did she say anything to you after?’

‘No, she was probably too traumatised to say anything.’

Penny took a swipe at him and he ducked out the way, laughing loudly.

‘It’s not funny.’

‘It really is.’ He caught her by the waist and tried to kiss her on the forehead but he was laughing too much.

‘Stop laughing.’ Though Penny was laughing so hard, tears were running down her cheeks. ‘You do