He grabbed her arm. “No, Janice. I mean, you can’t leave.”
“Of course I can.” She shook off his grip. “One foot goes in front of the other, and—”
“Mwwwwwwaaaarrrrrr!”
We all froze as a hideously menacing roar soared up through the floorboards of the apartment. I’d never heard anything like it. I was too startled to breathe, let alone speak.
Janice put a hand over her heart. “What was that?”
“It’s um . . . the plumbing,” said Bryce.
“The plumbing?” I shook my head. “It’s never made a noise like that before.”
“First time for everything,” said Bryce. “This could be serious. Let’s go downstairs and take a look at it, Janice. Come on.”
“What? I don’t know anything about plumbing,” she said.
“It’s a good time to learn,” said Bryce. “DIY is the fashion these days. I’ll teach you.”
“But you don’t know anything about plumbing,” I said.
He ignored me, took Janice’s arm, and started dragging her from the room. Since she wanted to leave anyhow, she went with him. And since I didn’t want to be alone in the apartment after hearing that scary noise, I trailed after them.
I followed them out the door and down the hall. Only when we were halfway down the stairs did I realize I was still dressed (or barely dressed) as Catherine the Manslayer. I was about to turn around and go back upstairs when we heard that noise again. Louder and closer now.
“MwwwwaaaAAAARRR!”
Janice gave a little screech. “What the hell is that?”
“It doesn’t sound like plumbing,” I said with certainty.
Janice struggled against the tight grip Bryce had on her arm. “Let me go! You’re hurting me.”
“Sorry, Janice, you can’t go,” he said.
My grip tightened on my sword, and I suddenly felt glad I had it with me. Bryce was behaving strangely. I didn’t know why he had a death-grip on Janice’s arm and wouldn’t let her leave, but it was becoming clear that it wasn’t because he hoped to salvage their relationship. He was dragging her roughly behind him as he trotted down the steps, and when she again demanded to be released, he dismissively told her to shut up. And that noise, that menacing roar we’d heard . . .
“What was that sound, Bryce?” I demanded, following the pair of them down to the ground floor.
“Bad pipes!” chirped an elegant voice as I reached the bottom of the stairs. I turned and saw Mr. Dalrymple hovering by the basement door. “The plumbing in these old buildings is a scandal, I’m afraid.”
“That noise is not plumbing,” I insisted as Janice struggled in earnest and Bryce concentrated on subduing her. “What’s going on here?”
“My, my, that is an impressive ensemble you’re wearing, Miss McConnell.” Frank appreciation of my appearance warmed Mr. Dalrymple’s saggy face. “Dare we hope you’ve come to slay the fwa’qa’rhen?”
“The what?”
“Ah.” He smiled. “You may know him instead by his nom de guerre, the Sewer Beast.”
“The what?”
He looked at Bryce. “So you haven’t told either of them?”
“Told us what?” I demanded.
Bryce continued struggling with Janice, trying to drag her toward the basement door, as he answered the older man. “Things got complicated. After I decided not to use Cathy and found someone else, I realized that she probably couldn’t be told anyhow, because she’d kick up a stink. You know what women are like.”
“Use me for what?” I asked.
“You seemed like the perfect choice. So eager to please. Only one relative, and she’d probably believe whatever I told her. But then you were so handy to have around, I started rethinking the whole plan. You’re a great cook, after all. You press my shirts just right. The bathroom still needs painting . . . ”
“The bathroom? I’m handy? Eager to please?” I stopped sputtering long enough to focus on something else he’d said. “Perfect choice for what?”
Bryce said, “So I found a replacement for you.”
Janice stopped struggling long enough to say, “A replacement? Did I hear right? That’s what I am to you?”
He covered her mouth with his hand and said to me, “And you weren’t supposed to be here tonight. What are you even doing here?”
“I live here.”
He looked at Mr. Dalrymple. “You see what I mean? Women.”
“Fascinating as these explanations are, dear boy, we really must hasten,” said Mr. Dalrymple. “The Beast shall lose its tenuous hold on patience any moment now.”
“What the hell is going on?” I pointed my sword at Bryce, then at Mr. Dalrymple, and then at