opportunity. But soon after the service was underway the grandmother in the wheelchair, who had poor hearing, vision, and mobility, had been rolled up next to Bill, spoiling his plans. When Bill saw others leaving for the social hall, he wanted to climb over the grandmother, but Helen perceived what he was thinking and locked her arm tightly around his, pulling him closer to her. She gazed at him with a seductive, come-hither half-smile. Instantly, he forgot about donuts. But when the celebrant had passed them by in the procession out, and the stream of people going into the social hall had increased, he regained his senses. Pulling his arm from Helen’s grip, he told the grandmother he desperately had to go to the bathroom, as he pushed her wheelchair out of the way. Not hearing him clearly, the grandmother was alarmed and shaken, fearing she was going to be harmed by his crazy behavior, but Bill sped away without noticing. Helen apologized for him and tried to soothe the grandmother’s distress, but soon she left in pursuit of Bill.
Helen caught up with him, as he was impatiently jostling and pushing his way past people to enter the social hall. She was right behind him when he peevishly raised his voice at an elderly couple and said, “Excuse me. Excuse me, please.” She slipped her hand around his arm, trying to restrain him, but her power over him was much less now, since the free, fatty breakfast foods were close at hand. He strove forward like a burning-hot lava flow, turning to tell her, “Didn’t I tell you it would be a madhouse in here. It’s a cattle stampede, except for these two turtles in front of me. I can’t get them to move.”
The elderly couple overheard and ignored him, while Helen tried to change the subject, “I still think people shouldn’t leave until the music ends. It seems disrespectful to run out.”
“Tell that to the others,” he remarked. “Free donuts seem to matter more to them than religion.”
She was about to say in an airhead way that he seemed as interested in donuts as anyone there, but he rushed on, since they had arrived inside the hall, “Finally. We’re here. Can you get the coffee, while I grab the donuts?” He couldn’t entrust the more important task to anyone else. Before she could say, “OK,” he sprinted to the table where the fried, sugary delicacies were spread out and already being taken.
A single line had formed, and people were picking up donuts in an orderly manner from one side of the table. On the other side of the table, there was an elderly volunteer lady, who acted as the guardian and protector of the donut domain, sometimes laying out new ones and making sure the table was kept tidy.
Hurrying to her side of the table, Bill grabbed a plate and napkins. When she saw him quickly take three donuts, she announced decisively in a loud, firm voice, like a father of the church delivering immutable church doctrine, “Two’s the limit.”
“My friend has diabetes,” Bill hastily replied, “and she needs to eat something quick, or she’ll faint.” He took three more donuts, all different kinds, and popped a donut hole in his mouth, before she could say anything else to him. She frowned at him severely, as he sped away. She could not tolerate ecclesiastical aberrations, especially ones advanced with such specious reasons.
On her way to get two coffees, Helen saw some of Bill’s behavior. She rolled her eyes and shook her head at his greediness. His ability to disregard what others thought when he wanted something amazed her. It was definitely a male quality she decided, probably worsened from his living alone so long. As she contemplated how she might cure him of his boorish displays of gluttony and cheapness, or at least lessen their severity, her cell phone rang.
“Hi, Sandy,” she said, answering the call.
Sandra was calling her from the large outdoor patio of a popular restaurant in a nearby town, where she and Joan had gone for brunch, purposefully leaving their wedding bands at home. They were wearing new outfits from Sandra’s daughter’s closet. In their young, stylish, extreme clothes, they were attracting lots of attention from men of all ages, as well as lots of glares from other women. Although Sandra was not giving any encouragement to the men who noticed them, Joan was having great fun flirting with strangers. Consequently, other women glared at her