you ever want to spank him when you called him ‘sir’?”
“What? No… never. I have never looked at him that way. Trust me, back in the day, I saw way too much of his not-so-good side.”
“Did he ever try to come on to you?”
She laughed out loud “No… apart from that minor comment with joining him and Victoria. Honestly, Eric, it was never like that. He’s my boss, and yes, now we run the same social circle, but I love my job and admire his intelligence. I have learnt so much from him. That’s all. Now, get your mind out of the gutter and let’s order because I’m hank marvin.”
“Hank marvin? What the hell is that?” I need a translator for Kate but enjoy the new catchphrases.
“Derr, starving!”
***
Monday morning rolls around faster than you can say ‘doggy style.’ Fuck, I need to get laid. It’s exactly eight-thirty, and I have everything prepared for our meeting. Coffee is brewed, and an assortment of breakfast pastries is centered on the large meeting table. The projector is ready as Nikki is going to present an update on a case the firm has been tangled in. At eight fifty on the dot, Emma walks in.
“Hey, chica, what’s happening?”
“Nothing,” she answers quietly.
Huh, odd. She bows her head, pretending to be immersed in paperwork.
“Spill.”
“Spill what?”
“Why you acting all ‘something up my puss’?”
“Eric, nothing is up my puss.”
“Well, maybe that’s the problem, then. So, spill it now, or I’ll nag you for the rest of the day.”
She sighs, knowing there’s no way out of it. When it comes to extracting information from people, I’m a born nagger. Either that or I will manipulate the conversation so eventually, the truth will reveal itself. My mother says it’s a hidden talent of mine amongst other things. Taking her glasses off for a moment, she reaches for a tissue, attempting to clean the lenses.
“So, I kind of did something, it’s embarrassing. I can’t even think about it without wanting to crawl in a hole and die.”
“OMG, you peed on him?”
“No! How mortifying. Although this wouldn’t be far off. I kinda um…” she tenses her body, unable to get her words out, “… I kinda, um, farted during sex.”
She buries her head in her hands as if that’s going to erase this. Poor Emma, when it comes to screwing around with co-workers, she sure lacks knowledge in the sexual department.
“Like asshole farted or pussy farted?”
“Eric, I can’t believe you just said asshole farted.” Her cheeks burn while she crumples into the chair. “Well, I’m not sure, but I don’t think it was that.”
“Okay, so walk me through it, but make it quick before someone walks in the middle of this conversation, and God forbid it be Tate. He’d cut my dick off and serve it to the mafia.”
“Okay.” Taking a deep breath, she continues, “So, he wanted to do it from behind, and it was great, right? But as he came and pulled out, I farted… and it was loud like echoed-in-the-room loud.”
“But isn’t that normal, the air escaping from the vag?”
“I don’t know, is it?” Emma asked, exasperated.
The door creaks and trying to pretend like we aren’t talking about this, I straighten the coasters in front of me. Thank God, it’s only Charlie.
“Okay, it’s just Charlie. She’ll tell ya it’s normal.”
“Tell who what’s normal?” She looks at us suspiciously, placing a pile of manila folders down in front of her.
“Tell Emma that fanny farting is normal,” I blurt out.
“What the hell is fanny farting?”
“Oh, Kate says that’s what Brit’s call it. You know, after a guy pulls out, and your vag sounds like it’s farting.”
Charlie nods her head, not at all surprised we are talking about this topic at this time of the morning. Over the years, Charlie has immuned herself to the stuff that comes out of my mouth. Exactly why she is my best friend.
“Oh… I see. Yeah, it happened to me once in college. I was mortified, left his dorm room, and avoided seeing him at all costs.”
“Great… that’s just the advice Emma needed.”
“Sorry, Emma… but true story,” Charlie admits with a sad smile.
“What are you doing here, anyway?” I asked, knowing Lex had spent the night at Charlie’s, and according to Kate, they are now living together. “I thought you’d be knee-deep in Lex’s love juice?”
“I still have to come into work. You think I can neglect this?” she questions, picking up a blueberry Danish, then devouring it in like two seconds. “Besides, I was knee-deep