later, his presence drawing attention as he yells, “I feel right at home.” Enthusiastically, he grabs a drink and sucks on the straw before saying something about a small dick to Kate. I rush over to his side, wrapping my arms around him. It isn’t a party without Eric—you don’t need entertainment if you have him and his non-filtered mouth.
Adriana takes over the microphone, slurring her words as she says something about the piñata. Jen brings out a stick in the shape of a penis and explains how we play.
“So basically, we just beat the cock with a cock?” I question.
“I’m officially in party heaven! Charlie, I saw a vag… like a weird, flappy-looking vag.” He cringes, explaining what went on at Lex’s bachelor party. I listen attentively until Kate whacks me in the face with the cock stick.
“Did you just turkey slap me, Kate?”
“Please, like that’s the first time you’ve ever been slapped around the chops with a tallywacker.” She chuckles.
“Nothing like a good old turkey slap,” Emily pipes in.
“Mom! I’m not letting you drink like ever!” Adriana cries.
“Adriana, you have to accept the fact that your dad and I are very sexually active. In fact, just the other day we bought this—”
“Lalalala…” Adriana covers her ears.
No doubt Lex would have pulled the plug on this conversation a long time ago. I let the two of them get back to their family woes as I have a more important task ahead of me.
I whack the piñata as hard as I can, but much to my disappointment, I barely make a dent in it. Eric is up next. He whacks the piñata like a maniac until it breaks, and little white fish-shaped candy flies out. Nikki, Jen, and Adriana, in their intoxicated state, fling themselves onto the floor, fighting over the candy.
Nikki yells out, “I can swallow the most, have you seen my husband.”
I cringe. I have seen her husband. Gross.
“Okay, so I know you can’t drink, but I know what will cheer you up,” Eric tells me.
“What’s that?”
“I spiked all the ladies’ drinks with Viagra,” he admits with a proud grin.
“E! What? Is there Viagra for women?”
“Yes, kinda… well, sorta.”
“Like everyone?”
“Well, not you, silly, but yes, everyone else.”
“Emma?”
“Yep.”
“Emily, Debbie, and my mom?”
“Ahh, yep.”
He holds out his palm, and I high-fived him before he runs back to the dance floor and joins them like the crazed lunatic he is and wrestles the microphone off Adriana who is doing a rendition of ‘Islands in the Stream.’
Eric announces the entertainment is here, and uncomfortably, I’m forced to be the center of attention. I’m not surprised one bit when strippers strut their goods around me, these bulked-up, hot guys dressed in their fire gear. Holy shit, they are hot, not as hot as my man, but I swear I can see Eric’s drool hit the floor.
Nikki is bouncing around like she has ants in her pants. Emma’s long gone, and would often yell out comments like “Fuck you, Tate, and your mafia whores!”
Gosh, I so need to find out what the hell that’s about.
Emily is whistling really loud, enjoying herself. Debbie and my mom grab champagne, each drinking straight from the bottle.
At this point, I want to grab my confiscated phone to text Lex and say I had nothing to do with this, but knowing Rocky, there’s probably pussy galore parading in front of them right now, so I don’t feel so bad.
Eric is in gay-man heaven, groping one of the stripper’s butts, who surprisingly doesn’t flinch at Eric’s touch. Okay, so that kind of kills my buzz—they are gay. Nikki and Jen don’t seem to care, though, tugging on the G-strings trying to peek inside. They soon grow impatient, and the strippers go the full monty.
So, here’s the thing—a naked man is standing in front of you, and much like the giant elephant in the room, you can’t help but look at it. Times that by three, and I feel like I’m in a zoo. I swear they are looking at me, the penises, that is. Is that even a word? Plural penis? God, I feel so dirty.
Nikki is rubbing her body up against the blond stripper, his semi-hard cock impossible to ignore. A loud bang forces me to look away. What the hell? Rocky has fallen to the ground in the backyard outside the pink playhouse, and the shadows of what look like others disappear into the dark. He yells her name, and she laughs at a very angry Rocky. I