He squints at me as if I’ve asked him what’s at the bottom of the ocean or why the sky doesn’t fall down.
Then I realize something I’d forgotten since the night I threw the rock at the Summers & Co department store window. “You thought that photo was of me.”
His eyes narrow. “Um … ?”
“When Adrian was flashing the photo around at the party, you thought it was a picture of me like everyone else did. You called him an asshole for showing it around. And then in the hospital after Evie’s wreck, when you and Adrian were snapping at each other, and he brought up the fact that you called him an asshole, you cut him off and told us all to stop arguing or the nurse would come in and kick us out.”
“So?”
“So, maybe you were more concerned that Adrian was high on painkillers, and that he might spill the beans about where he got the photo from—so you were trying to cut him off before he could spit it out!”
“Josie, that’s …”
“That’s what?” I say, feeling delirious and a little unstable.
He shakes his head. “Ludicrous.”
“Is it?” I say, voice sounding funny. “Because I also got to thinking about other little white lies you’ve told me.”
“Like what?”
“Like that you knew that your Drew Sideris the blacksmith was my mom’s Drew Sideris from high school—the same Drew who later joined the navy because my grandmother wouldn’t let them be together. The same Drew that I asked you if you knew, and you claimed that you didn’t!”
Lucky points a finger at me and opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.
“Ah-ha!” I say. “You lied.”
“I never lied … exactly.”
“You knew.”
“What was I supposed to do, Josie?” he says, throwing up both hands. “I was caught in the middle. He specifically asked me not to say anything as a favor to him—said that the past was the past and asked me to stay out of it.”
I’m confused now, because that sounds sensible. But it also hurts, because this Drew person feels like someone he’s close to, and he’s someone my mom was going to elope with, and I barely know anything about this guy! Meanwhile, Lucky and I are supposed to be as close as two people can get—I mean, we definitely were on the island—and I feel like that should override whatever loyalty he has to some random blacksmith mentor. Shouldn’t it?
I don’t know, but I don’t like how frantic I feel. “I pushed the button! You told me to lift the invisible wall and be teeth-gratingly honest with you. That’s supposed to go both ways.”
He stares at me, silent, the lines of his face sharp as glass.
“When I asked you if you knew a retired navy guy named Drew, and you knew who I was talking about, you should have told me,” I insist, but I’m feeling less sure about it.
“It wasn’t my business, okay? Try to understand my point of view, here, Josie. I’m just trying to do right by everyone. And I was kind of hoping I wouldn’t have to keep anyone’s secrets for long, because I can’t see how Drew and your mom can live in the same town and avoid each other forever, frankly.” He shakes that thought away and then says, “But what does it even have to do with Adrian and the photo?”
“Because if you lied about that—”
“Again, I didn’t lie. I stayed out of someone’s business.”
“Did you or did you not send Adrian that photo of my mother?”
“The fact that you would even think I would do it … that you would even question it for one second is so goddamn hurtful,” he says. “I would never think that about you—I would never doubt you like that.”
“Then just say you didn’t do it. Swear it.”
“No, I won’t. You just have to trust me. Like I trusted you.”
My chest suddenly feels as if a mixing truck has backed up to it and is dumping ten tons of wet cement inside my ribcage. I press a fist into my breastbone to loosen the sickening tightness. Because the worst thing is, he’s right. I do have doubts. I’m ashamed that I do, and I’m confused that I do, and I just want him to assure me that he didn’t do it.
“You can’t do it, can you?” Lucky says in a dark, rough voice.
“It’s easier for you!” I say, feeling hot tears filling up my eyes. “Trust is simple for you because