Chasing Charli - Kat Mizera Page 0,69
voice trailed off because that wasn’t really true anymore. It would always be his childhood home, but home was in Anchorage now. With Char-lot. Who was halfway around the world dealing with who knows what, by herself.
“I’m worried,” he said. “Her parents were not kind to her and I’m afraid of what they might do to her emotionally.”
“Then you should be at her side,” his mother responded.
“I know. I just thought—” He cut off as his phone rang and Charli’s name flashed on the screen. “Char-lot. How are you?” He got up and walked upstairs to his room for a little privacy.
“Hi.”
There was definitely something wrong because she sounded exhausted.
“How’s your father? I’ve been worried.”
“It’s been a long couple of days. Dad is doing better and they’re probably sending him home in a few days. I’m trying to spend time with him but my mother is driving me crazy.”
“What can I do?”
“Nothing. It seems like my dad is trying to mend fences but Mom is as difficult as ever.”
“How long will you stay?” he asked gently.
“I don’t know. My dad keeps asking me to stay even though I know my mom wants me to leave.”
“What do you want?”
“I want to be with you, but…” Her voice trailed off and she sighed. “We have to talk about something, Miikka.”
“Okay.”
“I’ve done a lot of thinking since I’ve been here and the longer we’re together, the more I realize we might not be on the same page about some things.”
“Same page?” He paused. “You mean we may disagree on things?”
“Well, yes, but I’m talking about something important. I’m talking about children.”
“What about them?”
“I don’t want kids and I know you do. I see how you are with Niko, with Leon, even with Matthew. You’re going to be such a great dad, and we both know I’m not cut out to be a mother.”
“Wh-what?” He was shocked. “What are you talking about? You’ll be a wonderful mother! I see you with Niko and your other students. Even with Leon—he thinks you’re amazing, just like I do.”
“He sees me like a big sister and I’m Niko’s teacher. It’s different. But the one thing it keeps coming back to is the fact that I gave up a child, Miikka. I carried him inside of me for nine months and held him in my arms the day he was born. Then I just signed some papers and gave him to strangers…” Her voice broke. “There’s definitely something wrong with me and I don’t think that’s fair to you.”
For the hundredth time, he cursed his limited ability to communicate. Normally, it didn’t matter. They muddled through and she almost always read his mind, but she needed him right now and he couldn’t find the words to fix this. Especially not from thousands of miles away.
“Muruseni, that’s not true,” he said softly. “You’re everything to me. We’re good together and what you’re feeling about yourself is wrong.”
“Even so, I’m pretty sure I’m not cut out to be a mom, so if that’s a deal-breaker for you, it’s something we have to think about.”
His head was spinning because this had come out of left field and he had a feeling he wasn’t going to be able to handle it from Finland.
“I’m coming to Kansas,” he said abruptly.
“What? No, Miikka. That’s ridiculous. Stay with your family and enjoy your summer. I’m going to stay here at least until my dad gets out of the hospital and then—”
“No. I’m coming.”
“Coming here isn’t going to change my mind.”
“Do you really believe that every woman who has ever given up a baby is bad?”
“Not necessarily bad, just not maternal. Not the type of person who should have children.”
“We have years before we have to think about having babies,” he said gently.
“That’s a recipe for disaster,” she said sadly. “It’ll be hard enough if we break up now, but imagine how hard it will be in five years.”
Break up? He hated hearing her talk this way but realized there would be no changing her mind over the phone and he wasn’t going to let this happen. Not without a fight anyway.
“Look, take a few days and think about it,” she said. “I’m sure you’ll realize I’m right.”
“Char-lot, you’re not—”
“Please, let’s not fight,” she whispered. “Not on the phone like this. Take a few days and then we’ll talk again. Good night, Miikka.”
The shakiness of her voice told him she was on the verge of tears and the last thing he ever wanted to do was