with being dominant or submissive. Dominant bottoms exist.”
He nods with another smile. “Good to know.” He tracks a hand from my kneecap down to my thigh, breathes in, and then retracts, like the intensity and swelling feelings are too much. My skin is still tingling from the touch, and I listen as he explains, “I can’t say what I’m into yet…being a top or bottom, I guess I won’t figure it out until I have sex.”
I push back curly strands out of my eyes.
I want to tell Highland right here that I do prefer to top. That the last time I bottomed was over ten-years ago. I want to tell him that I’ll take care of him if he’s nervous, and I’d never pressure him to do anything he’s not ready to do.
But I’m a coward and too afraid of his reaction to those words. So I don’t utter a single one. He could either run scared because he doesn’t think we’re sexually compatible. Or worse, he could believe we are.
And then what? We have mind-blowing sex, the best sex of my life? We find out we’re too good together in every aspect. Too perfect for each other, a match orchestrated by a twenty-one-year-old genius named Charlie Cobalt and maybe even a higher power.
Fate.
The stars in the sky.
Aligning for him and me.
And then Jack could call this a stepping-stone. Short-term fling. Maybe that’s all I’m good for while I’m in security.
Insecurities are such assholes, and I know I’m riding this one hard and dry.
So I swallow the pit in my throat, and I hug him closer and kiss the freckle on his temple. His lip rises at me.
He places his large hand back on my thigh.
“So,” I say, “when exactly did you know you were into me, Highland?”
He chokes on a sound that I think was supposed to be a laugh. “When I met you.”
I rock back, my skull touching the wall. “That was…five years ago.”
His fingers rake through his thick hair. “I didn’t know what it meant—my feelings for you. I couldn’t process them beyond the fact that they were so different than anything I’d felt before.” His Adam’s apple bobs.
My mind races back to that time and place. I met him around the same time I became Charlie’s bodyguard.
Jack Highland was just twenty-two and a production assistant for We Are Calloway.
I was near the top in security.
It wasn’t until he became an exec-producer at twenty-five that his world started a head-on collision with mine. He was heading meetings with security during filming days, and we’ve had our fair share of flare-ups concerning Charlie and WAC shoots. But it was always professional.
Until the tour bus.
Until the FanCon.
And then…gloves off, I guess. His compliments became flirty, and I just gave in. Because why not? It was fun for a while. When I didn’t yearn and long for more. And then he rejected me, but now he’s embracing me, and he’s saying he’s felt a connection early, early on.
Jack holds my gaze. “When I talk to people, I love making them feel good, but with you…I never wanted it to stop. I wanted to come back for more, even when my work said, focus on your subject. I just wished that my subject was you.”
My chest rises.
I am in…way too deep.
And I don’t want to swim back out.
“Why do you think that is?” I ask him.
“I thought you probably just had what I had.” He flashes a smile. “Charm.”
I grin. “I do have that, Long Beach.”
He laughs. “Yeah, but it’s something else too. It’s more.” His gaze drifts and he rests his head against the wall next to mine. “How could I miss something this monumental about myself for so long? Twenty-seven-years, dude. It feels like fog is shifting and everything is so clear, and I just wish I had that clarity sooner.”
I would’ve asked him out.
No doubt, Highland would be my boyfriend by now, if he was comfortable with his sexuality way back then. That is, if he still liked me as much as he does in this second.
This moment.
The what if game hurts, and look at me, still playing that game.
Against the defenses around my heart, I turn to Jack and say, “I’m glad you’re finding clarity now. You can figure out your new path—a new life plan.”
The cabin creaks before he can respond, and a knock raps the door. Jane Cobalt asks if we’re okay. She’s been with Charlie in another med cabin.