just as guilty of forming surface-friendships.” I take a breath. “And I think Akara is one of the few genuine friendships I do have, but even then, there’s topics we won’t touch because he’s security, I’m production.”
Sulli.
She’s off-limits, and I understand he’s protective of her.
“I’m security,” Oscar reminds me.
I’m fumbling left and right around him. “You’re the only one I want to talk to about this, Oscar. I don’t even know how’d I go about telling Akara. Do I say the truth? That there’s this extraordinarily hot guy who I’ve pictured sucking me off until my eyes roll back—who I’d drop to my knees for, and I’d love to find out what it’s like to take him in my mouth today, tomorrow, weeks from now.”
Oscar shifts at my words. His hand drops, splaying over his lap like he’s hiding a semi. But he’s so confident and casual about the arousal that it literally stirs my own dick into action.
Successful pitch.
“Eyes up here.” Oscar points to his face, and I follow the guidance with a smile. Damp pieces of his hair fall to his lashes, and he shoves them back. “You haven’t been attracted to any other guy besides me?”
I shake my head, contemplating. “I think I was so set on being with a woman that I didn’t even consider I could be attracted to a man. And then you came along. So are you the first guy I’ve been attracted to and acknowledged it? Yeah.”
He lets out a noise.
My pulse jackhammers. “Is that bad?”
“No, of course not. It’s just…” He pushes aside a worn hardback on the table. “Jack, you’re like a literal wet dream. Do you know how many motherfuckers wish the straight guy they’re crushing on could say what you’re saying to me?”
I skim him, up and down, smiling. “So it’s good?”
“It’s complicated,” he rephrases. “You and I are complicated. You’re still figuring things out, and that’s fair. But I don’t want you to get hurt. And I don’t want to get hurt.”
“I won’t hurt you,” I say, adamant. Even thinking I could starts churning my stomach. “I genuinely like you, and I just want to see where this goes.”
Oscar stands off the table. “I’ll help you.” My smile brightens, and he explains, “I’ve been where you are. It’s confusing, and I didn’t really have anyone to talk to until college. I wish those people were there sooner.”
I nod and walk closer. At first, I plan to touch him, but as soon as we’re in distance, I bail and pick up the thick, worn hardback next to his phone. War and Peace.
Tension stretches at our closeness. I examine the spine of the book, and his voice sounds huskier as he tells me, “You can ask me questions, and if you want, I can ask you questions too.”
I slip a smile over to him. “You can ask me anything.”
His grin edges. “Don’t tempt me, Long Beach. I have a laundry list when it comes to you.”
So close, the warmth of his skin radiates off the swelter of mine. I’m radiating heat because of him, and the more strides we’re making, the faster I want to run towards Oscar. Even if a lot is new to me, he’s experienced. He’ll show me, and Jesus, I want him to. The thought alone sends shockwaves.
“I’d want to go through your laundry list,” I tell Oscar. “Consider yourself tempted.”
Our grins are matched.
“Alright,” he says. “Before we go there, we should agree to something.”
I rest part of my ass on the table and hold my camera. “What is it?”
“We shouldn’t fuck each other.” He drops the gavel. “No sex.”
Sex.
I’m over here willing to explore new territories that I’ve never seen. I’m wanting to, and I crack a dying, disappointed smile.
I wanted to fuck Oscar—or for Oscar to fuck me? FYI: I know physically where a dick goes, but would he be on top…or would I? The exploration with him is just as enticing as the actual act, and he’s saying, no.
“Why?” I ask him, my eyes flashing to another hardback on the table. Brave New World. I wonder if he pulled out these books before I arrived.
“Because sex is complicated, and this is already on another level of complicated. We don’t need to be fucking.” His resoluteness is sexy, even when this decision feels a lot like the Grinch coming down and stealing a bunch of toys.
It also feels like he’s Velcroing elbow-pads and kneepads in case of a fall. “You know,” I say