password when I created it, other than having Paris and Oscar on the brain. Didn’t seem like a big deal.
But hearing Jesse ask, I feel tilted sideways. Switching my phone to my left ear like I’m trying to balance, I tell him, “It’s the birthday of Charlie’s bodyguard. You’ll meet him during filming.”
“Sweet.” He sounds distracted like he’s typing in the password. “You know I’m amped to be here. I get to flex my camera skills, hang with my big brother, travel wherever Charlie Cobalt flies off to. It’s gonna be a gnarly summer.”
I smile, one that vanishes fast.
This summer has been a cyclone of feelings and missed opportunities for me. It’s already been gnarly, but not completely in the positive way Jesse used the word.
Still in the empty foyer with the elevator behind me, I thank Jesse again for flying out so fast, and we say our goodbyes.
“Talk later, Kuya.”
We hang up, and I rap a fist on the penthouse door.
Two seconds and it swings open to a six-foot brunette. Sulli towers, her biceps cut and abs visible in a bikini, towel bunched in her hand. It doesn’t feel that long ago that we sat down together at Superheroes & Scones and had her first production meeting. It was really our first introduction to each other too.
A Secret about Sullivan Meadows: at 13, a swim coach told her that she needed to shave around her bikini line better. It was one of the only things she feared telling her protective dad, who she tells everything to.
“Oh hey, Jack.” She motions behind her shoulder. “Oscar’s in the library.”
I tense. She knows I’m here for him?
Off my confusion, Sulli frowns. “You have a meeting with him, right? Fuck, did I get that wrong?”
“No, no.” I shake the thoughts from my head. I’m an idiot. “Yeah, that’s right. That’s why I’m here.” I recover with a wide smile. “So I heard about your speed climb. First place. Congrats.”
“Thanks.” She twists her hair in a bun with one hand. “It was a fun event. But I think that’s probably the last speed-climb for a while, oh cumfuck—”
A fluffy dog and calico cat scamper towards us. I slip through the door and quickly shut it behind me as the pets skid to a halt.
Sulli bends down, rubbing behind the dog’s ears, while the calico cat prances off. “Orion, you know fucking better,” Sulli says, and then tells me, “Luna says her dog is trying to commune with his star people and that’s why he tries to leave.”
I laugh. “Yeah, what’s Carpenter’s excuse?”
“He’s a little shit-stirrer.” Sulli smiles.
As she stands up, I ask, “Why no more speed-climbs?”
“It’s getting fucking boring, honestly. I’ve already won what I set out to win. There’s not much left, it feels like.”
My smile weakens as I mull over her words.
I have no clue what it truly feels like to reach the pinnacle of my goals. I’m close, but I’m still climbing. Talking to Sulli over the last couple of years, I realize now how empty it must feel once you’re there.
How lost.
She keeps tacking on new goals to fill an unfillable void.
It scares the shit out of me. Because I lived my life in that competitive lane, and ever since Sulli joined the docuseries, it’s been like staring into a mirror that reflects the future. This is what you could be. And how strange that a twenty-one-year-old Olympian’s life could be my future that I fear.
In the end, I’m invested in all the famous one’s happiness. Because I care about them. But for me, Sulli’s happiness is different.
Maybe if she turns out okay, it’s a sign of good things to come for me. That people like us aren’t destined to always be yearning and searching and wanting. That we can succeed and that can be enough.
Just thinking those words heavies a weird weight on my chest. Like I know there’s a lie there somewhere.
“So if you’re done speed-climbing, what’s next?” I ask her.
“I’m contemplating a few things…hey, if you’re free sometime this week, you should come by for a swim.”
I smile brightly. “Definitely. I would never turn down the chance to swim against an Olympian.”
“I—” Sulli starts to reply when Orion barks up at her. “Alright, I’ll find your mom. Sit, sit.” He plants his ass on the ground, tail swishing back and forth. She nods towards the stairs. “You remember where the library is?”
The meeting. I realize I’m hard-core stalling, and my chest knots. “Yeah.” I already know this