“I find that hard to believe.” Because the Devils are inherently selfish, and they only care about two things—themselves and humiliating me.
“You don’t have to believe me for it to be true,” Elias states firmly. And for some reason, those words serve as my breaking point. Something inside of me snaps, something I can’t even name, and suddenly, I’m a sniffling, blubbering mess. Fat, hideous tears cascade down my cheeks as I attempt to regain control of my tenuous emotions, but they repeatedly slip through my fingers like fine and delicate grains of sand. The next thing I know, I’m buried alive. Suffocating.
“Oh, Peony.” I’m dimly aware of Elias pulling me into his arms, and at any other time, I would shove him away. Scream at him. Punch him in his stupid face.
But I don’t have control of myself as I fall apart at the seams. I feel like a fucking Jenga tower after someone pulled the wrong block. One second, I’m whole, and the next, I’m toppling forward, praying that I’m not irreparably damaged.
“I wish you didn’t have to feel all of this pain,” he whispers. “I wish I wasn’t the cause of all of this pain.”
I tilt my face up to stare at him, feeling incredibly weak and vulnerable.
The bright sunlight bathes him in a faint glow, and eyes that normally make me think of stormy nights, when the sky is a canvas of metallic violet interwoven with dark streaks, now appear golden in the sun. I can’t help but note the bruises on his cheek and the cut on his lower lip. But somehow, those blemishes demote him from terrifying to comforting. His gaze moves to capture mine, and time seems to stand still. I can feel his heart beating beneath my palm, which somehow reached for him without my explicit consent.
And for a brief moment, a connection flares to life between us. Something beautiful and ethereal. Something pure and delicate. I can hardly breathe. All I’m aware of is him and his too-perfect face.
“Peony…” Elias looks away first, and it’s like a rubber band snapping as I come to my senses. Still, when he releases me and helps me sit up straight, I’m left with a feeling of stark isolation so intense, it’s like a physical blow. “I don’t know what’s going on, but if you ever need to talk—”
“I don’t,” I snap, my familiar ire returning. “Especially not with you.”
His tongue licks his plush upper lip as he leans forward on the bench, resting his muscular, leather-clad arms on his knees.
“You hate me. I know you do.”
Something about his self-deprecating tone grates on my nerves. I ball my hands into fists as I stare stubbornly ahead, refusing to allow myself to be pulled back into his magnetic orbit.
“How could I not, Elias? After what you did to me…”
“The things I did when I was younger were awful. Horrendous.” He leans back, reaching into his jacket pocket to grab a cigarette and a lighter. Silence ensues as he lights one up. “I fucking hate myself for the things I did to you, and I don’t blame you one bit for hating me as well.”
“Then why do you keep doing this?” I gasp as tears prick my eyes. I’m so fucking sick of crying, of falling apart in front of the four men I vowed would never again witness my tears.
“What do you mean?” Elias asks, genuine confusion lacing his voice.
I gesture back and forth between the two of us desperately.
“This!” I stress. “Why can’t you just leave me the fuck alone?”
I don’t know where this plea is coming from. Shouldn’t I want their attention? Heaven knows I’m giving them all of mine in the name of revenge.
But for some reason, this is different. It would’ve been less painful for Elias to stick the nub of his cigarette into my arm.
“I don’t know,” he whispers. “I know I should, I know that I’m only hurting you further, but I can’t fucking stay away. I’d let you go if I was a better man, but I’m not. I’m selfish and dirty. Maybe I just need to know that you forgive me—”
“I don’t.”
“—or maybe it’s because it’s you. I don’t know how many more times I can say I’m sorry—”
“But that’s the thing,” I cut him off again. “You haven’t yet. Just now was the first day you actually apologized for the things you’ve done.” He opens his mouth, closes it, and