In direct juxtaposition to my earlier thoughts of wanting them near me, I now want them as far away as possible.
“What the fuck did you asshats do?” Elias whispers harshly from behind me.
“I just asked her if we could talk after school,” Cassian defends.
“Why would you do that?” Lucas demands, his voice reminding me eerily of a dog’s growl in the dead of night.
“Enough!” I spin on my heel, the tenuous control I have on my emotions snapping, the rubber band pulled too tight. “Just fucking stop! All of you!”
I’m panting, my chest heaving, as I stare at each of their almost wickedly beautiful faces.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I whisper, feeling smaller than I can ever remember being reduced to. Smaller than I felt even back in middle school. “You guys need to stay away from me. I’m done. Fucking done. I’m going to go back to California.”
All four of them stare at me in growing horror. Even Lucas, who I’m pretty sure is a mannequin with how expressive he normally is.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Cassian demands. He turns towards the others, his scowl firmly in place. “Am I the only one hearing this crazy?”
“How can you guys look at me and act like nothing’s wrong? Like the past didn’t happen?” I demand, and dammit all, I can feel tears dripping down my cheeks. I feel like I’ve suffered for centuries in a never-ending pit of loneliness and despair. All I can see is darkness. That’s all I’ve ever seen, after all—darkness, the kind that seeps into your heart and soul, mangling them until they’re unrecognizable. Until you’re unrecognizable.
“Peony.” Elias takes a step closer, hands held up placatingly, but I step back until I’m flush against a locker.
“Why did you guys do it?” I sob. “Why me?”
They exchange unreadable looks before Karsyn sighs heavily, his eyes glossy with tears he won’t let fall.
“Because we’re assholes,” he states, as if that’s fucking enough. As if that explains years and years of torment and hatred. Being an asshole isn’t a justifiable excuse for being a bully.
Though I don’t think “bully” is a strong enough word.
Tormentors…
Abusers…
Assholes…
“Not fucking good enough.” I move to walk away, and I know this time, it’ll be for good. I’m not going to come back once I leave.
Lucas reaches forward, movement so quick his hand is almost a blur, and grasps my wrist.
“You’re right,” he confesses. “It’s not good enough. I’m sure we all have our own individual reasons.”
“Not. Good. Enough,” I hiss, yanking my hand free. The movement causes my sleeve to slide up marginally, giving Lucas his first ever view of my scars. I try to slide my sleeve back down inconspicuously, but I’m not fast enough.
With a gentleness belying the madness swirling in his blue eyes, he rolls up my sleeve, baring me to these men. I would’ve preferred standing before them naked to this. Anything but this.
It’s one of those moments when time stops. When all you can hear is your own erratic breathing and the pounding of your heart. When darkness encroaches the edge of your vision, and you don’t know if you want to pass out or throw up.
“Please. Please stop,” I whisper, but I don’t pull away. I know that if I truly wanted to, he would release me, but for some reason, I stay. My heart pounds furiously as the guys gather closer.
“We did this to you,” Karsyn whispers, the barest breath of sound. The tip of his pointer finger very softly brushes one of the largest raised scars—the one meant to end my life.
“How can you guys think that your actions don’t have consequences?” My voice trembles as more tears slide down my cheeks, landing on the corner of my lips.
“We didn’t know,” Cassian gasps, his entire body shaking. “We didn’t fucking know.”
“You didn’t know?! You guys relentlessly picked on a girl who was already beaten down by the world. What did you think would happen? I wanted to die. Don’t you see it? Don’t you understand? I wanted to fucking die! And I tried. I really did. If I would’ve just placed the knife a little more to the right…”
“Don’t say that!” Lucas snaps harshly, and unlike the others, tears don’t line his eyes. Not him. Instead, those blue orbs, oceans of unfathomable depths, are wide and manic, as if he’s half considering throwing me over his shoulder and never letting me leave his sight. He looks every inch