Charmed: A Masters and Mercenar - Lexi Blake Page 0,71
because I literally read these books all the time where that’s the happily ever after, but I’ve realized it’s not for me.” Before he could object, she held out a hand. She moved to the couch farthest from him and sank down. “I know you haven’t asked me to do that, but I think that’s what it will come down to. You’ll want me to travel with you. You’ll want me to host your dinners and do much of what I did tonight. I think I would lose myself in that kind of life.”
He hated the hollowness in her tone. “Okay, so we take a step back. You go home to England and maybe we talk. We slow things down.”
She stared at the glass doors that led to the balcony. “I don’t think we can go back. Tonight proved that. When you kissed me, I forgot every reason I was angry with you. None of it mattered.”
Frustration welled up inside him. “I don’t see how that’s a bad thing. I think it proves we can work.”
“It proves that I can’t think straight when I’m around you.” She turned his way. “I don’t know that I’ll be able to stay away from you.”
“I don’t want you to.” He moved to the sofa she was sitting on. “I’m not demanding that you stay here. I’m telling you I’m willing to take anything you give me. I’m willing to slow down and I’ll force myself to only call you once a week.”
“But I don’t think I’ll be able to leave if I give in.”
That was exactly how he wanted it. He moved in closer to her, letting his hand move over hers. If he could just get her in his arms, maybe all her doubt would be eased. Maybe what he really needed to do was take control. “Nina, you have the choice, but I think you’re stuck in an analysis loop. I think you want something that you can’t ask for.”
She looked down at the place where his hand covered hers, but she didn’t move away. “I don’t think I should ask for it at all. I think I should walk away, but I can’t make myself do it.”
He leaned in. “All you have to do is tell me no. Tell me to stop and I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”
There was such longing in her eyes as she looked up at him. “This won’t solve any of our problems.”
He thought she was wrong about that. He believed if he could get her in bed, he could remind her of all the ways he could take care of her. It went past sex. He could make her feel loved and secure. He could show her that he would put her first.
It was a startling revelation that he’d finally found a relationship that came before his familial responsibilities, beyond the company he’d devoted his life to. If he pursued this thing with Nina, he might still have a passion for his job, but she would be first in his soul.
It should have scared him. In some ways it did. He’d lost a lot of people he’d loved, but he also knew that if he closed himself off, he would never have this warmth in his heart, never have this certainty that this woman made him feel complete in a way he never would if she walked away. He would always take this chance.
“Let’s take one night at a time,” he cajoled.
“I’m going to leave at the end of this job. I have to.” But she’d turned and her whole body seemed to have softened as though she was giving in even as she said the words. “I have to.”
He intended to show her she could be his and not lose herself. “Like I said, I’ll take whatever you will give me.”
“Liar. You’ll take everything.” Her hands came up and she drew his head down. “The question is will I let you.”
His lips touched hers and he didn’t care about anything but the feel of her in his arms. She was soft and sweet and she’d gone gloriously submissive.
They’d talked a lot about play, but he’d never spanked her. He kissed her long and deep, and then pulled back and hauled her over his knee.
A shudder went through her. “Yes. God, yes.”
It had been a long, rough day, and she needed an excuse to let out all that tension.
He needed this, too. Needed it like he needed air to breathe.