Charmed: A Masters and Mercenar - Lexi Blake Page 0,52
They’d gotten pretty close. He and his new wife Sarah had moved to California, and they were waiting on their first baby, so they talked less now. He didn’t blame the guy, but for a moment it had been good to have a friend. He was friendly with guys on the rigs, but he never stayed long enough, and he was the boss. He had some guys he’d hung out with in college, but they were all getting married and having kids.
“Dana was the daughter of my father’s best friend. We grew up together. Our parents always joked that she would marry one of us—either me or Mike, but everyone knew it would be me.” His heart hurt whenever he thought of Dana. “I don’t know. She was always there, too.”
“And then she wasn’t,” Nina said gravelly.
“And then she wasn’t.”
“A lot of people have left you.”
“Only the most important ones.” He’d never thought about it this way. “Don’t think I’m feeling sorry for myself. I’ve had a good life. But I miss them. I didn’t love her. Not the way I was supposed to. Maybe I would have if she’d chosen me. I would have married her. I would have gotten out of college and married Dana and taken my place in the company. Is that wrong? That I’m the one who accepted the place my parents made for me?”
“It’s not wrong to want something. It’s wrong to reject something simply because your parents wanted it for you. The same way it’s not wrong to reject something you truly don’t want. From what I learned about you and your brother this evening I don’t think either of you fall into those categories.”
They didn’t. When he looked back on it, he realized the signs of his brother’s unhappiness had been there. He’d simply ignored them. “I loved this business for as long as I’m able to remember. I wanted to do this. I wanted to own Malone Oil. As I got older I wanted to learn all the ways I can take us from Malone Oil to Malone Energy. I’ve got my fingers in a lot of sustainable pies right now. This is my dream. But Mike never wanted what I wanted, and we’ve never recovered from him walking away. I forgave him a long time ago, but we’re still out of synch. He still seems closer to his friends. That’s the sad thing. I never found a person who could replace him, but he’s replaced me several times over.”
“He hasn’t replaced you. He can’t do that.” Her voice had gone warm and sympathetic. “But he hasn’t forgiven himself, and you can’t make him. I assure you that forgiveness is harder than you think. I should know.”
“What haven’t you forgiven yourself for? The guy who tricked you?” He’d talked to a couple of her coworkers tonight and he’d come to realize so much of her reluctance came from that asshole.
“His name was Roger,” she began slowly. “We were partners for two years before I ever agreed to go out with him. I thought I was being careful. I think he knew how to play me. I wasn’t attracted to him at first. But it’s a lonely job. It’s hard because you can’t talk about it.”
“I can imagine. He was the only one who understood what it is to do what you do. Or what you did. You don’t have the same boundaries with this job, right?”
“No. I can talk about this job for the most part. Not the particular one we’re about to do since we’re technically working with the Agency,” she allowed. “But the day-to-day stuff isn’t confidential. Also, we’re one big team. It’s like a big family, and that has to do with the unique culture of the job.”
He thought he knew what she was talking about. He kept his eyes on the road, but his mind was entirely on her. His brother had talked about The Garden and how different it was from Sanctum. It had been the home to all of the Lost Boys until recently when they’d been able to finally get their lives back. “You all live in the same building, right? And the club you play at is there, too.”
“Most of us live there and yes, the ground floor of the building is the club. It’s truly beautiful. It should be weird to work and live and play in the same place, but Damon’s done an excellent job of making the spaces very separate.