Charmed: A Masters and Mercenar - Lexi Blake Page 0,38
You understand that, right? You don’t even have to do this mission if you would rather not. I don’t want the Agency to push you into something you feel uncomfortable with.”
Did she not think he could do it? “I’ll be fine. I want to catch this person more than anyone. This is my company and I worked on that prototype, but there’s more. I’ve got skin in this game because Bill was my friend no matter what dipshit thing he did.”
“I know, and that’s why I’m a bit worried about you. You’re a good man. Sometimes this is a rough business on a good man.”
“You’re not exactly bad.”
“No, but I think I likely have a more flexible sense of morality.”
“What is that supposed to mean? I don’t understand what’s happening here. We’ve had a great week together, but I’ve felt you pulling away all day,” he admitted. “If it’s not about the job, then it has to be about me.”
For a moment he thought he’d pushed her too far. She stared straight ahead and he worried she would simply open the door and leave him sitting there. But then she turned her head slightly. “It’s not about you. There are things I haven’t told you, things you should know. I’ve been used before. You should understand that the reason I work for McKay-Taggart and Knight is because I was fired from my last job. I was involved with a man I worked with.”
There was a knock on his window. The valet was smiling at him.
JT stared and the man backed off.
“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”
“No. You should understand before going in with me. It’s a simple story.” Her voice had gone wooden. This was a story she’d likely had to tell far too many times. “I fell in love with my partner. We worked for Interpol. We had been partners for several years. I thought we would get married and have a family. He thought I was excellent cover for his real job, which was taking care of his drug lord employer so his crimes never came to light. Despite the fact that I turned him in, they were right to sack me. I was lucky Damon was willing to take a chance on me. So that’s why I don’t sleep with clients or coworkers. But we weren’t coworkers at the time. At least we didn’t know it.”
He was glad it had already gotten dark or she might have seen him flush with shame. He’d known. “Nina, this is not the same. And you’re not using me. I know you think I’m naïve, but I know damn well when a woman wants something out of me. I’m sorry I pushed. I like you a lot.”
She smiled weakly. “I like you, too.”
“And that’s part of the problem.”
“It is.”
So she’d gotten burned and didn’t trust herself. He had no plans to use her at all. Yes, he should have backed off when he’d figured out she was his contact, but she didn’t have to know he knew. Some things were better left unsaid. He could be good for her if she let him. But she needed to make that decision for herself. “Are you asking me to back off? Are you saying you’ve decided you don’t want us to go any further?”
He wasn’t sure what he would do if she said yes.
She sighed. “I don’t know. I wanted you to understand. I’m not telling you no.”
“You’re not telling me yes, either.” He didn’t say it with any kind of accusation. It was merely the truth.
“I’m saying I would like to think about it. What we have is very new. It’s fragile.”
“And I don’t want to break it.” He put the truck in park.
Her hand went over his. “Can’t we just live in the moment?”
He wasn’t good at that. “Sure.”
Her hand tightened around his. “I don’t have to pretend like I want to spend every minute of the night looking at you. I’m afraid it’s going to be far too easy to look like a woman who’s crazy about a man.”
She knew how to ease him. He brought her hand to his lips. “I’ll give you all the time you need.”
He let her go and got out of the truck to face the music.
* * * *
Nina decided that JT’s mother must be the queen of entertaining since as far as she knew this small party to celebrate a very fake engagement had been thrown together hastily.