“He’ll get over it,” Callum says, but I notice that Vic isn’t the only one who’s irritated with him. Aaron looks pissed, too.
“I knew this was a bad idea,” Oscar murmurs, but I can’t decide if he’s talking about Brittany … or me.
No, he’s definitely talking about me.
Seeing how easily I can fracture these boys from within, I’m not sure that he’s entirely wrong about that.
The rest of the week goes by fairly quickly, but that doesn’t mean it’s peaceable or pleasant. I’ve got Principal Vaughn breathing down my neck, the Thing on the offensive, and a whole basket of trouble to unravel with the boys.
Also, Kali doesn’t come back to school after our incident on Monday. Not once. That doesn’t bode well for me. She’s like a black widow, crouching in her web, waiting for the right time to strike.
By Friday afternoon, I’m actually looking forward to our usual weekend sleepover.
After class lets out, I meet Aaron out front for a ride. Now that Hael's on Brittany duty—fucking Brittany—I've been getting rides home with my ex. We've barely spoken to each other since I ground myself into an orgasm on his lap, but it's not the sex that makes things awkward—okay, maybe a little—but mostly, it’s the feelings.
All the fucking feelings.
“You don't have to stay at Pamela’s anymore if you don't want to,” Aaron tells me, driving the minivan like a grandma through the school zone. I appreciate it, dare I say find it cute, when he does that next to an elementary school or something, but let's be honest: the world would probably be better off if he ran down a few Prescott High kids on the way.
“I know,” I say, because the implication was always there. If I want to stay at Aaron's house with Heather, I can. Knowing I have a safe space to retreat to makes the stress-filled nights at home much more bearable. “But at least for now, Pamela still owns my ass. Heather's, too. I can't poke the bear until I'm ready to weather the bite.”
Aaron doesn't say anything, keeping his green-gold gaze focused out the front window.
I shift in my seat, fully aware that we've got a ton of unspoken bullshit brewing between us.
“About the other day,” I start, but he just shakes his head.
“We don't have to talk about that,” he says, but how can we not? How can we keep going if he's going to play hot and cold faucet on me? Sometimes scalding, sometimes freezing. I can't deal with that crap.
“Yes, we fucking do,” I snap, leaning back and putting my boot up on the dash. I don't look at Aaron, focusing instead on the white and black stripes of my shoelaces. “You told me you hadn't had a girl since me.”
He clenches his teeth, like this is a sore subject for him. Can't say I blame him. It makes him sound … vulnerable. Desperate, even. Half of me is a little freaked out that he's managed to abstain from sex for so long while the rest of me is terrifyingly excited. Aaron is still mine. He's always been mine. If I wanted him, I could have him, couldn't I?
“I slept with two guys between you and Vic,” I tell him, thinking about those one-night encounters. They were fine, adequate. I mean, I managed to get myself off, but I wouldn't write home about them. “One guy was a Fuller High basketball player. The other was an Oak Valley Prep student—not Donald though.”
Aaron raises a brow at me, turning slightly to give me a questioning look.
“Really?” he asks, like he's having a hard time imagining it. I shrug my shoulders.
“The first guy's name … I can't remember to be honest with you. The second one, pretty sure his name was David, but I could be wrong.” I muse over that for a moment, trying to get back into the headspace I was in when I slept with two strangers. Life has given me plenty of reasons to self-medicate, to turn to drugs, or alcohol, or even sex to numb the pain, but that's never been my forte. I don't internalize my pain, not anymore. No, the reason I hired Havoc was to externalize it. I don't want to punish myself over the bad things that've happened in my life. Instead, I want to punish the world.
“Why them?” he asks, and I just shrug, my leather jacket creaking. It's pink and cracked