This Changes Everything by Jennifer Ashley Page 0,34
Sometimes that happens.
I’m sorry, I want to say, but I’m not sure Zach wants to hear it. I have no idea if what we have is as important to him as it is to me.
Zach’s being very quiet again, his touch on my arms distracted, as though he’s thinking of something else.
What do I expect? The great new job is about me, not him. I’ll move on, and that will be it. The last time I moved away from Zach, it was many years before I saw him again. The lump in my throat grows.
“Zach?” If we’re going to break up, I’d like him to pay attention.
Zach takes a breath and squeezes my arms before he releases me. “Abby. I have to … Give me a minute to process this. Okay?”
“Okay.”
And he turns around and walks out of the room. Just like that. No good-bye, no explanation, no telling me to enjoy the party before I go. He simply departs, fast, his footsteps echoing on the tile floor.
I squeeze my eyes shut as tears leak from them. Here I am, in Zach’s house, a beautiful place, full of Zach’s family and friends, and I’m alone.
I make myself not leave the party, no matter what Zach decides to do. This is for Calandra, welcoming her home. The least I can do is be happy for her.
Calandra gives me a severe eye as I return to the throng outside, but I shake my head. She’s deep in relatives so she can’t come to me. I take a glass of wine from Ben, who’s handing them out at the bar set up by the pool, and drink a long gulp. Ben gives me a puzzled look but says nothing.
I notice Erin standing a little apart, as though she’s not sure she should be here. I introduce myself and talk to her, because I’m feeling the same way. I like her as we start conversing—I ask her about ballet because I don’t know much regarding it, and she speaks animatedly. Ben glances over at us a lot—I mean, a lot. If Erin notices, she makes no sign.
Soon it’s time for the meal. We have it inside, in an echoing dining room with a long table. I can imagine it with the four McLaughlin brothers years and years ago—it must have been noisy and lively.
They’re all here, the brothers, Calandra, the aunts and uncles, and Erin, greeted by Calandra, who pats the seat beside her. Ben quickly sits across from Erin, again unable to look at much else but her.
The crowd is chaotic as they surge around the table. There’s no assigned seats. Everyone’s grabbing a chair. They’re going fast, and I fear I’ll be next to Zach. I also fear I won’t be next to him.
Suddenly, it’s too much for me. I can’t face a long, happy meal with people asking me questions. Has Zach or Calandra told anyone about my new job? Will I have to be radiant and excited?
I can’t do it. I’ll have to call Mrs. McLaughlin and apologize. Calandra will yell at me later, but I’ll deal with that then.
I quietly slip out of the dining room, walking nonchalantly down the hall. Maybe the other guests will think I’m looking for the bathroom.
Stepping out the open back door, I make for the gate. On the other side is my SUV, and the way to my new life. The tears return, turning the house and yard into a blur of brick, green, and the brilliant scarlet of bougainvillea.
A woman steps in front of me. She’s on the small side with gray hair and the McLaughlin blue eyes. Great Aunt Mary.
“Hello,” I say awkwardly. “I was just … um.”
“Leaving.” Great Aunt Mary pronounces the word firmly. “I’m here to see that you don’t.”
I blink. “Oh. Why?”
“Zach asked me to. He said you might try to go, and would I please look out and make sure you wait?”
“Oh.” I can’t think of another thing to say.
Great Aunt Mary slips her arm through mine. “You two are going through a difficult time, I can tell. It’s always hard at first—you don’t know what will happen, and you’re scared of pain.”
I let out a breath. “Exactly.”
“It’s much easier to stop everything before the pain happens.” She speaks quietly but leads me back toward the house with surprising strength. “But then you’ll never know if the good things will happen too. I was married fifty-three years. Every one of them worth it.”
I have nothing to answer