Changed by Fire (Phoenix Rising #6) - Harper Wylde Page 0,151
settled in that I would have projected all of that at a volume that probably rivaled a Nine Inch Nails concert. “That’s it.” I sighed in relief when I had my mind bricked back up, exhaustion riding me hard.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, refusing to release my hold on Damien.
“Never apologize to me for that, sweetheart,” Damien told me emphatically, though his hands were still gentle as he rocked me. “Never.”
“I believe I am the one who owes you an apology.” Gaspard’s voice was tired. “I had no idea you would react so severely.”
“No,” I objected, angling myself slightly so I could see him. His head was hung low, his hands fisted in his lap. “Not your fault.” It was an effort to get the words out—I felt drained and off. “I didn’t know what was going to happen, but even I didn’t expect that.” I shuddered.
“It’s okay,” Damien murmured softly. “I’m right here. You’re safe.”
“It felt like him,” I explained, needing to get the words out, to wipe the poison away. “Michael lashed out at me due to his own emotions—he wanted to make me hurt because he needed some kind of release when he was angry or lonely or… whatever. But Scott? He wasn’t motivated by his emotions—he didn’t really have them. He enjoyed it.” I shuddered as I remembered. “But he didn’t feel, not really. He just watched. He watched everyone, but he was just empty inside, searching for anything that he could respond to.” I bit my cheek hard enough to make it bleed. “I’ll take the pain. I already know I can’t wipe all the memories, it’s not worth losing who I am and what I’ve built. But this…” I swallowed hard. “It’s worse, in a way, than having the memories. Nothing felt wrong anymore. I just felt absent.” I settled against Damien, knowing he would keep me safe. “Thank you both for trying though. I mean, I’d rather know than be guessing all the time.”
“I’m proud to call you my granddaughter,” Gaspard declared quietly. “Rest. I’ll make sure you aren’t disturbed.”
I murmured my agreement, though I knew I should insist he stay or at least find Ciarán about his room, but right now, I just needed my mate. I needed his strength and his support, and I knew he wouldn’t begrudge giving it. I heard the door click close and I sighed, nuzzling into Damien as he murmured in my ear, his hands gentle as they stroked across my hair and back. Just for this moment, I was going to lean on my mate and let him carry the burden.
Thirty-Five
Nix
Okay, this was just pathetic. I shared a glance with Molly as I watched Rini shove another bite of chocolate ice cream into her mouth. Licking the spoon clean, she dropped it back into the entire container she’d insisted she needed for herself.
I had been looking forward to Rini’s girls’ night, prepared to let the company of my best friends, ice cream, chick flicks, and happy talk about the future melt away the fact that we were preparing for a war, but I’d been naive in my hope that Rini had patched things up with Ciarán when she asked us here earlier in the day. I’d hoped that her sudden need to socialize had meant things were getting better, but my heart ached more than it had earlier as I watched Rini’s morose face.
“Rini,” I started, but my tongue stuck in my mouth like I’d just devoured peanut butter rather than chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. How the hell was I supposed to broach the subject of her absent mate when today was supposed to be about planning her mating ceremony. And yet, how the hell could I not? I settled for something in the middle. “Are you alright?”
“Of course.” She faked a smile and flipped through another wedding magazine, courtesy of Molly. Apparently, collecting them was a thing some girls did, but I felt as bereft thumbing through the pages as I had every time Molly and Rini spread their makeup and skincare collections across their vanities, picking up the various tubes and containers as I tried to figure out what each one was for.
“Rini, we know that’s a big fat lie.” Molly tossed her magazine down, having dog-eared her favorite pages. I winced, glad it was a magazine and not a paperback. Even among friends, there were just some things that you just didn’t do, and dog-earing a book was one of them.