Changed by Fire (Phoenix Rising #6) - Harper Wylde Page 0,120
pain brought the weight back upon my shoulders. I felt the happy glow of our morning together fade a little.
“Another vision?” she asked sleepily, her sweet tone like music to my ears. Even as my guilt increased for waking her, I wanted to wrap her in my arms and remind myself that everything was okay. For today, at least.
“Yeah. Sorry. Go back to sleep.” I resisted the urge to hold her, hoping she would cuddle back into her pillow, her gorgeous dark hair spilling across the soft sheets as she drifted off once more.
“Like hell.” She scooted forward, got to her knees behind me, and wrapped her arms around the bulk of my shoulders. “If you’re struggling, Killian, which it’s clear to see you are, I’m not just going to ignore it and go back to sleep. You’re my mate. We’re a team. Spill it. What’s bothering you?” Her finger lightly traced the shell of my ear as she tucked my unruly red hair back into place. I was sure it was mussed from my tossing and turning as well as running my hands through it.
I breathed deeply, blowing out a breath in a huff that deflated my tension and eased my taut muscles. Nix’s hand stroked lazy, little caresses on my chest that should have had me hard despite the fact that I’d already fucked her twice, losing myself in her body as I watched her come for me. But the visions of blood were a thorough turnoff, putting a damper on my afternoon.
“There’s just so much blood.” I held my hands out in front of me, studying them like I expected them to be covered in crimson right here in broad daylight. Or as daylight as Alaska ever got in the winter. “I don’t know how to stop it from happening.”
“That’s not your responsibility,” Nix soothed, kissing my shoulder.
“It is, baby. It’s all my responsibility.”
“Killian,” Nix started, her determination like a hammer and chisel against the boulder of my guilt and obligation. “Your visions don’t make you solely responsible for what happens in the future. That’s… I can’t believe you’re trying to shoulder all of our futures like that.”
“How else am I supposed to feel, Nix?” I covered the hand she’d splayed across my chest with one of my own, her fingers dwarfed by my larger ones, making me feel even more protective of Nix. I couldn’t tell her how many nights I saw her Phoenix crash from the sky in my visions. How many times I’d seen the same scene and bitten my tongue to keep it hidden until I figured out how to change it. I’d built up my mental wall so high, not even Damien could get a read on the terrifying images. I needed to determine how to make the path change so we ended up on the other vision I often had… the dream… the wish… the promise of a real future together. The one future I wouldn’t let myself believe was really a vision—it would hurt too badly if I couldn’t reach it.
“You’re supposed to know that your visions are a gift, not a curse. That you alone can’t change the entire outcome of the things you see. That’s what all of us are here for. Our family. Your brothers. Me. And that doesn’t even include the people beyond us. Our friends and even the rebellion leaders. We’re all in this war together. Whatever it is you’re seeing, it’s probably only a small fraction of the puzzle.” She held me tighter, her arms the only things holding me together as I fought off the vision of her lying on the ground, her flames wavering as ash fluttered in the wind.
I swallowed hard and tilted my head so I could kiss the inside of her elbow, her skin a mixture of sugar and salt.
Her lips pressed against my neck, and she trailed three little kisses up to my ear. “Please tell me the disturbing visions aren’t the only ones you have. Surely your gift couldn’t be so cruel as to only give you nightmares. Isn’t there some hope you can hold onto when the difficult visions come? If not, I’ll give you something to hold onto. You can wake me up every night if you need to, and I’ll crawl into your arms, soothe you until you can fall asleep again, and remind you every morning what we have to live for… no matter how long that is.” She added the last part