Changed by Fire (Phoenix Rising #6) - Harper Wylde Page 0,113
blond hair was swept off his forehead, and his hands were folded in his lap as he waited patiently.
Slowly, I nodded. “I’ve been struggling with it since Nix was taken to that fucking island, and it only got worse when I… when my powers… when Stone…” I exhaled. “You can’t deny that life has been hard lately.” I stopped there, not wanting to go into all the other things that were bothering me.
Theo nodded, and Nix rubbed a hand soothingly down my back. “Were you on medication before all of this?” He waved a hand around the room, the lamp light casting a warm glow on our morose party.
“Yeah, but I ran out already. It’s okay though,” I insisted, not wanting them to worry. “I’ve been shifting as much as I can.”
“We’re going to get you more.” Damien gave a curt nod to Theo who was already making the mental note to do what he could to help me. “If it helps, even a little, I want you to have access to it.”
I blinked hard, pushing back the raw emotion that swamped me. Fuck. They weren’t looking at me with judgment or condemnation. Hell, they weren’t even looking at me with pity. They were just doing what they always did—attacking the problem and finding a solution. And somehow, I didn’t even feel like the problem they were fixing. They were just trying to calm that current inside me.
“Thank you,” I rasped, but it was Hiro who grabbed my attention, his dark gaze unrelenting.
“What currently has you unhappy?” he asked, his eyes sharp when they met mine. “I understand you’re struggling, and that some of it’s from your past and all that has happened… but there’s more, isn’t there?” he pressed. Damn it. I don’t know how he did it, but he always seemed to see straight through me. “Clearly something is still upsetting you.”
I wanted to snarl at him. “We’re in a war, of course I’m unhappy.”
Hiro tilted his head, shaking it back and forth.
“No. That’s not it. You’ve been quiet for a while now. Why?”
Nix shifted in my lap. “Do you not want to be my mate?” The small, broken way she asked the question had me pushing to my feet and bringing her with me so I could wrap myself tightly around her.
“Hey. Don’t you ever think that,” I scolded her. “My depression is my own. It’s why I didn’t want to share it. I didn’t want you thinking it had anything to do with you. I’ve been walking this line for most of my life.”
“Growing up, my life was so hard. Sometimes, it felt like the abuse would never end. If I had known I could stay dead, I would have killed myself,” Nix told me, her eyes serious now as they stared into mine. “I know what that need feels like. Unlike you, I didn’t have that option. I would have just been reborn. I thought about it every day though. I understand, Ry, I do. I understand that depression won’t just go away, that there are going to be bad days. But we can help limit those bad days if you’ll talk to us. If nothing else, we can support you through them.”
“We know now, Ryder,” Killian interjected, stomping up to clap a hand on my shoulder. “That’s the first step. Fuck, if I had to make a bet, I’d say almost all of us sitting in this room have thought about it at least once.” My eyes widened as I took in the serious expression on Killian’s face. “We’ve all been through hell at one point or another. We’ll be through hell again, but this time you won’t have to do it alone. All it’s going to take is opening up to us.”
Hiro strode forward, scooped Nix from my arms, and handed her to Killian, ignoring her protests over the way we kept passing her from lap to lap. “Tell me. Now.”
I lifted my chin. “I just did.”
Joshua stood up, his hand going to Hiro’s shoulder to stop him before Hiro could grab me. “Hiro, maybe—”
I snarled at him, the sound shocking even me as the room fell silent. Cautiously, Joshua lifted his hand and let it drop. Shame flooded me and heat rose to my cheeks as I marched across the room, shoving my hands into my hair in agitation. Great, just great. Now I was growling at one of my brothers.
“You have a problem with Joshua?” Hiro questioned in confusion as he