about them. They’re both strong, capable, and experienced warriors who can think on their feet if anything goes wrong. They’ve both run these sorts of missions, and the Elvasi have proven incapable of dealing with the Andinna attacks. They don’t do war the way we do.”
“I’ve been thinking about that recently,” Emerian commented.
“Tell me what you think,” she ordered. She wasn’t a military commander, but if Emerian had the talent for it, she wanted to encourage him. She could inspire even if she didn’t truly lead. It wasn’t in her to lead strangers to their deaths. She’d experienced combat as a solitary thing for a long, lonely time and had no experience with it otherwise until recent years.
“We strike fast and hard, even when it’s a daytime attack. The Elvasi, from history, marched into fields, then clashed with other armies, using cavalry and archer lines. They’re slower. It was just something on my mind. Makes me wonder how we really lost the first War.”
“That was…” Mave sighed. “Some here would tell you it was my fault, but it was really the fault of those who came before us, our parents and grandparents.” She only had a couple of decades on Emerian, making them the same generation, those born right before the end of the War and the thousand years since. Her generation was one of Andinna who didn’t know the time before slavery. The generation right before hers was the generation born and had gone to War before they really hit the golden years of their prime. All of her husbands were born in that thousand-year period. Farther back in time, the generation before them were those at fault—the parents and grandparents.
“They made bad decisions,” Emerian said softly.
“They did. They could have won, they should have won, but they didn’t. They let their hearts get too involved.” A fault Mave sometimes had to work to avoid. That was why she tried not to fret over Mat and Zayden. It was an easy trap for anyone to fall into. She had done it before, letting her heart take over when her head was telling her the right things.
“Is that why you’re so cold when you fight?” he asked, lowering his eyes.
Mave opened her mouth but didn’t say the first thing that came to mind. They walked as she really considered her words. It took her a long time to really find the right thing to say, the best way to explain the strange way she approached the world and being a warrior.
“For a long time, I was cold because I needed to survive. Anything other than cold was a weakness I couldn’t afford. If I let the other gladiators rile me, I could get sloppy, so I didn’t react at all. I focused on survival, one fight at a time, one day at a time. I’m still sometimes cold because…it’s the best place to be when you have to kill someone. There’s something…clear about it, a lack of emotion that allows for more critical thought. I see the world differently when I go there. It’s when I’m at my best.” She shrugged. “Most Andinna lead with their hearts, their passion. I try my best to detach myself. Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t an oddity.”
“I don’t think you’re an oddity, but I do think you’re the only Andinna who knows how to be like that. That’s not really a bad thing. Maybe you could teach me, though. Then you won’t be an oddity,” Emerian pointed out with a chuckle.
“I’ll try to teach you,” she promised softly, trying to sound as though she meant it.
“Really?” He seemed so excited, and Mave wanted to make a sad, pitiful laugh, but she held it back, keeping herself light.
“Yeah!” And I’ll pray you never succeed because it takes great trauma to develop that sense of self, and you don’t deserve that. No one deserves that.
She liked his hopeful exuberance. He wanted so much, and she could see it burning in his eyes. So different from the jumpy, wary male who had shown up with Trevan and Dave, unsure of what he wanted or what he would find in Anden. So different from the rumors that he was a general nuisance to the other gladiators, trying to play to the more Elvasi side of his nature. Maybe that was another reason she liked him so much. Like her, he discovered the Andinna and their culture in its entirety and found his place. Coming to Anden was finding