beside her. “Good,” he said, nodding respectfully. “We’ll all be behind you.”
“Thank you.” She didn’t know what else to say anymore. She couldn’t find the words to express anything.
“He loved you. You were a great daughter to him. Ki—”
“Don’t,” she snapped. “Don’t…don’t say his name. Please.”
Nevyn inclined his head and rode in silence.
The trip was long, but Mave was steady. They didn’t stop in the village, riding around it to head directly for Senri’s home. When they arrived, everyone dismounted.
Mave walked up to the door alone, taking one slow breath to prepare herself before she knocked. She normally entered without knocking, but not today, probably never again.
Senri and Willem raced to get the door, and it was Senri who immediately realized what was happening. Willem paled, but Senri began to shake.
“Senri Amori,” Mave started, finding her voice, “I…” Words failed her, but she kept trying. This was the last thing. She had to do this. “I have to tell you…”
Senri just waited, her eyes wide, her hands shaking. She reached out, and Mave could feel how those shakes threatened to topple this powerful woman she called her mother. They touched Mave’s cheeks, wiping away something as tears started to fall on her own cheeks.
“He…Kian is…”
Senri began to sob, and her legs gave out. She didn’t let go of Mave, her hands falling to Mave’s armor and pulling as they grabbed on.
“Senri!” Willem said sharply, grabbing her before her knees slammed into the stone floor. “Gentrin! We need you!”
Gentrin was there in the blink of an eye, barely dressed, as though they had interrupted him getting ready for bed.
“Kian?” Gentrin asked, looking at Mave, then seeing the Company behind her. “Oh, Skies. Okay.” He swayed, but he was able to help Willem with Senri. It took a moment to get Senri to let go of Mave and get her to put an arm around his shoulder. “I’ve got her. I’ve got her.” He led her away.
Willem reached out slowly for Mave, but she took a step back, watching the pain lance the poor male to the heart.
“Come in,” he pleaded. “Come in. I know Gentrin and I aren’t…him, but…you should grieve with family if you want it. You’re our daughter, and I know Senri would want you…”
“I let him die. Do you really think I deserve to be in there?” she asked, the shame and guilt hitting her. “Do you?”
“Mave—” He tried, but she didn’t listen.
She turned to leave. When someone in the Company tried to grab her, she shoved them off.
“Don’t!” she roared. “I could have stopped this! A fucking ambush and I wasn’t good enough to stop this, and I should have been!” She snarled as someone else tried to grab her wrist. “Don’t touch me!”
“How? How could you have possibly been good enough?” Nevyn demanded, grabbing her anyway. “Mave, this stuff happens, and it’s hard, but it’s the risk—”
“I was fucking trained by Kristanya! I should have been good enough to save him!” She kicked his legs out from underneath him and sent him into the snow. She didn’t see his expression, turning away after she threw him down.
“What?” someone said in a small voice.
“I dreamed of Kristanya, and she trained me to be the best,” Mave whispered, admitting her secret to all of them. “I was the best because she visited me in my dreams, and we sparred. I…I thought it meant something. I thought she was making me good enough that I wouldn’t lose. Couldn’t lose.” Mave chuckled bitterly then spit on the ground. “But she hasn’t visited me since. Why would she? I failed, and I’m not worthy of her training anymore. My father is dead because I wasn’t good enough.”
“Mave, this wasn’t your fault,” Alchan said strongly. She turned on him, snarling, but he didn’t react. “Leshaun was assassinated while you were gone. We think there’s a spy in the camp, and no one is safe. Do you remember anything from your mission that would help us? It was an ambush, yes?”
“They prepared,” Mave whispered, realizing Alchan was giving her the missing piece of the puzzle. “They had time. They knew the mountain we would strike. They got soldiers behind us and were waiting at the objective. They…aimed for our wings.”
“So, someone told them you were coming,” Alchan whispered, nodding as he looked at Luykas. “None of our missions are safe any longer until we find out who this is.”
“Agreed.” Luykas didn’t look at his brother, though. He only had eyes for her. Most