and then would be good.” The last thing he wanted was her fighting a body that wanted to fail on her or trying to push it further than it could go.
He also felt the deep, unsettling sensation she wasn’t the Mave she had been only a week ago. Something in her core was shaken. Her belief in herself, the confidence she always had was gone, and he didn’t know how to get it back or how to lead her back to it.
She nodded slowly. “I’ll tell you what I can. K-k-k…He managed a lot about this…this part of the mission.”
He saw the tears flood her eyes and watched her head duck down again as the tears began to fall. Her shoulders shook.
“Mave?” He went to her side, gently touching her knee.
“I’ve destroyed…everything,” she whispered. “Senri is never going…forgive me for this.”
He didn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t know why she felt that way.
“She loves you,” Emerian reminded her.
“She won’t after she finds out I left Kian to die. After you made me leave him to die.” Mave looked up, her steel eyes hard, deep, unsettling rage brewing in them. “She won’t after this. I’ll help us get home, but after that, I want you to get away from me.”
He stepped back, feeling that in his chest. She was furious. She was furious he had listened to Kian and saved her.
He grabbed everything from around their makeshift camp and packed it back up, then mounted his horse and made sure their last horse was secured to his saddle.
That’s fine. I’ll get her home, and we’ll fucking deal with it. If she thinks she can scare me away after all of this, she’s out of her mind. Kian made me promise to protect her, and I’m going to do that, even if it means from herself. Even when she doesn’t want me around. I made a fucking promise, and I’m going to see it through until fucking Alchan Andini himself makes me stop.
They started moving, settling in for the long trip home. He spent a thousand years stubbornly hating his Andinna half and everything that came from it. What he only learned recently was his stubbornness was the Andinna in him. He had spent a thousand years using the part of him he hated to beat down himself and others around him.
He fully intended to channel that until his dying breath. This time, it would be to stay in the life of someone he had promised to give his life for. If she was an unstoppable force, then he would become an unmovable object.
Something in him settled into the place it was supposed to be. He was a male Andinna, a warrior, a fighter, a survivor, and his ultimate job, the one above all others, was to protect his female—his warrior, his Champion, his role model. She was everything.
He would die before he failed Kian’s final request to protect her.
30
Mave
The trip seemed to last an eternity. Over the days and weeks, Emerian and Mave kept moving, but she was less than helpful. She couldn’t fly. She could barely think without the pain rushing back.
So, she spent most of the trip in her hollow dark place alone, watching the world as though it was colorless—lifeless. She refused to feel. She only moved to continue her own survival.
Then they saw the guard post. She wasn’t good at reading maps. He had taught Emerian on the trip, but she hadn’t participated. At least one of them knew how to get home.
“We’re here,” Emerian said, his voice deep and rough. He’d changed, that male. Her nemari, not that she wanted him anymore.
She wanted to be alone, where nothing forced her to feel. His very existence reminded her of why that was.
Emerian led them up to the post and into the small camp. She did as she was asked, getting off her horse and letting the guards tend it. One of them sent a message back to the village. Emerian tried to explain but ended up just telling the guards the king was needed.
She found a quiet place to sit down by the fire and stared. It was bright, and she hated it. It was warm, and she hated it. Finally, she got tired of hating it and just left, looking for a place to sit down in the shade where the autumn chill could hit her bones the way she liked it. They had traveled for more than half the season. Winter would