She closed her eyes, images flying into her mind—the way he handled Rain, but now it was her. She had never seen roughness like that. She had never witnessed that raw, animalistic passion before, but it was in the king’s eyes. He owned his lovers. And she found herself desperately wanting to be owned. To be commanded. To be submissive the way her nature called her to be.
No one had ever made her feel the way he did when he looked at her. The command in his eyes to answer his questions. The posture of a dominant male who could make her yield and feel good about it. His very being begged her to drop to her knees and do things she had never considered before.
Lilliana still didn’t care much for sex. She just wanted to be ruled, and she was terrified of that want. Sex was just a thing he would probably expect, and she would do it for him. She tried to think of sex with anyone else and felt displeasure. This was an Alchan specific problem.
I want to feel what Rain felt that morning in the kitchen. That’s what I want.
Her heart was pounding as she realized she was never going to get over this until she was completely out of his presence.
“Hey, Lily,” Rain’s voice cut through her fog and made her jump, tipping over her tea and spilling it across the table. “Oh, no!”
“You spooked me!” she cried out, more distraught at the loss of her tea than she was about him walking in on her, daydreaming about his husband. She really loved her tea. It was her one pure joy since she had been so unceremoniously sent to the village. “Why would you do that?”
“I didn’t mean to,” he said sweetly, jogging into the kitchen. He came back out with a washcloth and washed up as she just stared in dismay. With rationing, she wouldn’t be able to make another glass. She had to be careful about using too much, or she would run out without new tea bags for potentially weeks.
Rain picked up the cup and took it back into the kitchen with the dirty cloth. She sniffed when he never came out, catching the scent of coffee.
“Have some of this,” he ordered. “I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to spook you.”
“It’s okay,” she mumbled, forcing herself to swallow some of the bitter stuff everyone else liked so much.
“What were you thinking about? You must have been deep in thought if I could shake you up that much.”
Her face heated, and she couldn’t stop it.
“Nothing,” she mumbled.
Skies have mercy. I have hidden it so well since that first day. Don’t notice, please.
Rain’s eyes narrowed, and a smile began to form.
“Were you thinking about someone?”
“No,” she lied.
I should have stayed in my room. This wouldn’t have happened if I stayed in my room like I normally do.
“Sure,” Rain teased. “Want to tell me who?”
“No,” she squeaked, drinking more of the gross coffee. She had never developed a liking for it, but it was a gift, and she would finish every drop. Turning away food from a good friend was rude.
“Can I guess?”
“No,” she said, hiding her mouth behind the glass. “Please.”
“It can’t be that bad,” Rain said, leaning on the table, stretching his arms, and tilting his head to rest on one of them. She had seen him as a wyvern now, and it was like that. He stretched like an animal, getting comfortable in odd ways. She wondered if anyone ever noticed that since no one ever pointed it out to him.
“Please, Rain,” she pleaded. “You know if you demand it, I’ll tell you, but I don’t want to make any trouble.”
His eyes went wide, and she realized her mistake.
Fuck.
“Really?” he asked, his face changing to something unreadable. “Are you serious?”
She stood, but he grabbed her wrist and held her there. He had moved so fast, she hadn’t seen him.
“Lilliana, were you daydreaming about my husband?” Rain asked, his voice powerful enough to make her still. It was a demand.
“Yes,” she whispered, feeling terrible. Guilt and shame flooded her, and her eyes filled with tears. “I don’t know how this happened. I never wanted this.”
Rain let her go quickly and stood, nodding as he looked at her. She still couldn’t read his expression. Had she just ruined her only friendship? She hoped she hadn’t. She needed Rain. He was all she had now.