“And we’re going to,” he said, moving his horse close to hers just to elbow her in the side.
They rode all day and into the night. They didn’t go quickly, but the steady slow pace was better for the horses and for them. Once the red moon was above them, Kian made the call.
“Let’s stop here and camp until dawn. Bedrolls and sleep. No fires.”
The warriors worked quietly and laid down. Mave found herself between Kian and Emerian but couldn’t sleep. Apparently, neither could Kian. Once everyone was softly snoring around them, he rolled onto his side and stared at her.
“Since we’re on a mission without them, I wanted to ask you about Nevyn and Varon.”
Mave sighed. “We’re talking again.”
“They’ve been on a mission for half of the summer. Don’t tell me everything is all better,” he growled softly. “He’s my best friend. I just wanted to understand what’s happening.”
“I don’t know what to tell you,” she said softly.
“How about the secret you’re so desperate to keep?” he pressed. “Just me. I won’t tell them, but you know every time they get frustrated with your silence about the weird stuff going on with you, I get worried. I don’t like hearing about or seeing the weird things going on with you. I was there for the spring campaign. Mave…I’m your father, not only in name. We bonded in the eyes of the gods. I am your father. Would you at least tell me?”
“Have you been waiting to get me on a mission to ask about this?” she demanded, turning on him, tearing her eyes away from the moon.
“Yes,” he admitted honestly.
“Well…” Mave swallowed. She thought about it, then sat up. She couldn’t wait until they were in enemy territory, where it wouldn’t be safe to have a private conversation. She was also just tired of the secret, so damn tired of people asking her for the secret, and tired of being too scared to tell them. If anyone would treat her like she wasn’t insane, it was Kian. That’s what she hoped at least. “Let’s step away from the group. I can go a night without sleep. You?”
He was up and following her, nodding quickly. “Why are we leaving? Are you worried one of them will hear?”
“Yes,” she answered honestly. They didn’t go too far, but Mave wanted to make sure they were out of earshot before she sat down and leaned on a tree. She could hear a stream in the area, not an uncommon sound. There were thousands around these mountains, always fed by the melting snowcaps on the peaks of the tallest mountains and springs that burst out of the earth.
Kian sat next to her, confusion apparent on his face. “Mave?”
“Don’t call me crazy,” she ordered, then turned it into a plea. “Please. Please, don’t call me crazy.”
“I would never—”
“I dream of Kristanya,” she said, a weight being lifted off her chest the moment the words came out of her mouth. In a single moment, she realized it wasn’t Kristanya keeping her silent. It had been her own fear, her own beliefs. She didn’t have any respect for the gods. She had once cast them aside, and now, she had to reclaim them, especially her.
Kian’s eyes went wide, and Mave took a deep breath.
“I dream of sparring with her. We talk sometimes, and she gives me advice. She…touched me, and these tatua were there when I woke up,” she whispered, lifting her arm to remind him of the tatua that went down to her elbows and across her back. “That’s how I’ve been getting better.”
There was a long silence.
“You think I’m crazy,” she said, sighing as she rubbed her face and looked away from him. “I fucking knew everyone would—”
“No,” he said quickly. “No, Mave, I don’t think you’re crazy at all,” Kian said softly. “I think you’re blessed to have the attention of a goddess, who must see some of herself in you.”
“How can you think that?” Mave snapped. “I dream of a goddess! Are the gods even real?”
“You know they are.” Kian gave her a flat stare. “Varon and Nevyn’s story? It’s true, Mave. Varon offered his life up to Amonora if he could be with the male he loved, and she went to him in his dream. She gave him his sight in exchange for his voice. That really happened,” he huffed, running a hand through his hair. “There’s always been rumors of the queen being gifted visions by Lariana, the