A suspicion darkened Krystal's mind like the shadow of some circling vulture.
'Terri, you'd used when I arrived yesterday, hadn't you?'
'No, I fuckin' hadn'! Tha's a fuckin' - you're fuckin' - I ain' used, all righ'?'
A weight was pressing on Krystal's lungs and her ears were ringing. Obbo must have given her mother, not a single bag, but a bundle. The social worker had seen her blasted. Terri would test positive at Bellchapel next time, and they would chuck her out again ...
( ... and without methadone, they would return again to that nightmare place where Terri became feral, when she would again start opening her broken-toothed mouth for strangers' dicks, so she could feed her veins. And Robbie would be taken away again, and this time he might not come back. In a little red plastic heart hanging from the key-ring in Krystal's pocket was a picture of Robbie, aged one. Krystal's real heart had started pounding the way it did when she rowed full stretch, pulling, pulling through the water, her muscles singing, watching the other crew slide backwards ... )
'You fuckin',' she shouted, but nobody heard her, because Terri was still bawling at Kay, who sat with her mug held in her hands, looking unmoved.
'I ain' fuckin' used, you ain' go' no proof - '
'You fuckin' stupid,' said Krystal, louder.
'I ain' fuckin' used, tha's a fuckin' lie,' screamed Terri; an animal snared in a net, thrashing around, tangling herself tighter. 'I never fuckin' did, righ', I never - '
'They'll kick you out the fuckin' clinic again, you stupid fuckin' bitch!'
'Don' you dare fuckin' talk ter me like tha'!'
'All right,' said Kay loudly over the din, putting her mug back on the floor and standing up, scared at what she had unleashed; then she shouted 'Terri!' in real alarm, as Terri hoisted herself up in the chair to half crouch on its other arm, facing her daughter; like two gargoyles they were almost nose to nose, screaming.
'Krystal!' cried Kay, as Krystal raised her fist.
Krystal flung herself violently off the chair, away from her mother. She was surprised to feel warm liquid flowing down her cheeks, and thought confusedly of blood, but it was tears, only tears, clear and shining on her fingertips when she wiped them away.
'All right,' said Kay, unnerved. 'Let's calm down, please.'
'You fuckin' calm down,' Krystal said. Shaking, she wiped her face with her forearm, then marched back over to her mother's chair. Terri flinched, but Krystal merely snatched up the cigarette packet, slid out the last cigarette and a lighter, and lit up. Puffing on the cigarette, she walked away from her mother to the window and turned her back, trying to press away more tears before they fell.
'OK,' said Kay, still standing, 'if we can talk about this calmly - '
'Oh, fuck off,' said Terri dully.
'This is about Robbie,' Kay said. She was still on her feet, scared to relax. 'That's what I'm here for. To make sure that Robbie is all right.'
'So 'e missed fuckin' nursery,' said Krystal, from the window. 'Tha's norra fuckin' crime.'
'... norra fuckin' crime,' agreed Terri, in a dim echo.
'This isn't only about nursery,' said Kay. 'Robbie was uncomfortable and sore when I saw him yesterday. He's much too old to be wearing a nappy.'
'I took 'im outta the fuckin' nappy, 'e's in pants now, I toldja!' said Krystal furiously.
'I'm sorry, Terri,' said Kay, 'but you weren't in any fit condition to have sole charge of a small child.'
'I never - '
'You can keep telling me you haven't used,' Kay said; and Krystal heard something real and human in Kay's voice for the first time: exasperation, irritation. 'But you're going to be tested at the clinic. We both know you're going to test positive. They're saying it's your last chance, that they'll throw you out again.'
Terri wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
'Look, I can see neither of you wants to lose Robbie - '
'Don' fuckin' take him away, then!' shouted Krystal.
'It's not as simple as that,' said Kay. She sat down again and lifted the heavy folder back onto her lap from the floor where it had fallen. 'When Robbie came back to you last year, Terri, you were off the heroin. You made a big commitment to staying clean and going through the programme, and you agreed to certain other things, like keeping Robbie in nursery - '