A Captive of Wing and Feather A Retelling of Swan Lake - Melanie Cellier Page 0,77
her, but Cora gestured for me to sit back down.
“Leave her be,” she said. “There are some things we have to process alone.”
Reluctantly I sat, wishing there was something I could do to ease my friend’s fear and grief. Perhaps when the guards arrived and we found a way to dismantle the rest of Leander’s enchantments—freeing the kingdom from his mantle of fear—she would find the courage she needed to say yes to Ash.
“But never mind about Wren,” said Cora suddenly. “I don’t know what you were doing sitting there nodding your head. You’re worse than her. I can’t think when I’ve ever seen such a bad case of the pot calling the kettle black.” A laugh sounded in her voice, but no echoing amusement rose in me.
“What do you mean?” I asked stiffly. “I’ve never even been in love before.”
“Ho! Have you not?” Cora actually chuckled. “Well, be that as it may, I believe the issue in question was having the courage to trust your heart to someone after loss.”
I frowned. Her words echoed Leander’s, pressing on the raw pain of my rejection of Gabe. Cora talked as if she thought me incapable of love, yet I loved Cora herself—as well as Wren and Audrey and Juniper. I even loved Vilma and Gregor, though they drove me to distraction sometimes. I could love—but that didn’t mean I should give my heart away carelessly.
“I don’t pretend to know everything,” Cora continued. “But I know a little more of your history now than I did, and it only confirms what was obvious from the moment you turned up on my doorstep—you were abandoned by everyone who should have loved you. By choice or through death.”
I turned my face away, fighting back tears.
“Something like that leaves scars,” she said, her voice soft, “and they’re leading you to hold yourself back. I daresay you love all of us here at the haven—but do you trust us? You would give everything you have to help us, I dare say. But what we really want—what a certain tall and handsome prince wants—is for you to let us in. It’s hard to have an equal relationship when you’re always willing to help us, but you don’t trust us enough to let us help you in return.”
“I…” My instinctive protest died immediately.
“Precisely,” said Cora. “You’re like a daughter to me, Lady, and yet you never asked me for help when you were cursed. You never even trusted me with the truth. And then when Audrey found out and reacted like the hotheaded young fool she is, you immediately concluded your fears were founded. Did you ever stop to consider what an insult it was to me to group me in with Audrey?”
I gulped, hot tears filling my eyes. Cora had cared for me when I had nowhere else to go, and she had the largest heart of anyone I had ever known. Her words burned me.
She heaved herself to her feet and placed a gentle hand on the top of my head.
“Oh relax, child. I understand. You’re not so much older than Audrey yourself—you’re both of you children to me. And you were motivated by love—you didn’t want to see harm come to any of us, and I respect that. But it’s not your role to protect me. It never has been. I feel I’ve done enough to earn your trust in the last five years, and I think you should ask yourself—if you can’t give it to me, who could earn it? If the answer is no one, then you have a problem. So I would suggest, dear heart, that you are not so different from Wren. If you want any hope of love in your future, you must cast off the fear that holds you back.”
She patted my head once and departed, leaving me sitting alone. I felt chastened and small, but it only took a moment’s reflection to realize she was right. I loved my friends, but I had also held myself back from them. I was willing to care for them, but not to let them close enough that they could hurt me with any betrayal. And what sort of love was that—that held itself back and built up walls, safe and protected? You could argue it was no love at all.
And yet, people betrayed you. They hurt you and turned their back when you needed them most. That also was undeniable, and I didn’t know how to reconcile those truths.