Captive of the Horde King (Horde Kings Of Dakkar #1) - Zoey Draven Page 0,84
turned their backs on him.
“Would you go back with me?” he asked, his tone serious.
My brow furrowed. “Why would you want to go back, after how they treated you?”
His mouth opened and closed. Finally, he said, “Because it’s home. Once you are back, everything will be normal again. You’ll see. So, will you?”
I looked at him, my chest tightening. Because Arokan had asked me this once. He’d asked if I would choose my brother and the village over the horde, over him. And I’d told him that he couldn’t ask me that, that it wasn’t fair.
But right then, I had my answer.
“No,” I whispered.
He sucked in a breath.
I looked at the notch in his throat, my heart heavy, before meeting the familiar color of his eyes. It was strange looking into them, after so long. I was so used to the dark eyes of the Dakkari that human eyes now seemed…alien.
“My home is here now,” I said. “Kivan, I—before I came here, I never realized how much I struggled. For us…for you.”
“Luna…” he said, shock making him freeze.
“And it wasn’t your fault,” I said, rushing to get the words out. “It was my own guilt. When Mother died, I didn’t tell you everything.”
“What didn’t you tell me?”
I took in a deep breath and said quietly, “After she was attacked, she was still alive. Her second to last request was that I protect you like she would’ve. And then her last request…it was to end her suffering.”
Kivan’s face paled.
“I did,” I whispered. “But because of it, I’ve held onto so much guilt and self-loathing over the years. I threw myself into doing what she asked of me, into taking care of you. And now, I can see that I may have stopped taking care of myself in the process.”
It hurt to say these things out loud because I knew they hurt Kivan, I could see it in his face. But I wanted to be honest with him, for once.
“Luna,” he breathed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never realized…that I, that you—”
He broke off, words failing him.
“I love you, Kivan,” I told him, reaching out to take his hand, squeezing. “But I’ve learned to love myself too. And I can’t go back. My place is here, with him. My home is here. I hope that you’ll consider making it yours too.”
I found Arokan in our tent, a little while later.
Though it had been a long, hard conversation, I had left Kivan in the tent with posted guards and ordered a bathing tub brought in and a hot meal. After he rested, I would visit him again. Despite what his answer was—whether he would return to the village or stay—I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.
But right then, I needed to see my husband. I wanted to.
I went to him, pressing my face to his wide, warm chest, breathing him in. His arms came around me, pressing me to him. He didn’t speak, as if he knew I needed time to process what had happened.
Finally, I pulled back to look up at him. Whispering, I said, “You’re good to me. I don’t tell you nearly as much as I should, but you are, Arokan. Thank you. Thank you.”
His eyes softened. He brushed his fingers through my hair, careful of his claws. “My only wish is your happiness, kalles.”
“I am happy,” I told him, giving him a soft smile. “Now, even more so.”
“He has agreed then?” Arokan asked in a low tone. “To remain with the horde?”
“He hasn’t given me his answer,” I said. “But we talked. I told him many things that I should have told him a long time ago…and I feel lighter for it. I think he will accept your offer, once his mind processes everything that’s happened.”
Arokan nodded.
“He asked me to go back with him,” I admitted.
Arokan’s jaw ticked. “I figured he might.”
“I thought about when you asked me if I would choose to leave or stay if I had the choice,” I said softly.
“I remember.”
“I told him no.”
The yellow rim of his eyes contracted. “Lysi?” he said softly, his voice steady.
“I just knew,” I said, giving him a smile as I reached up to touch his jaw. “While I love my brother, I also know that I cannot betray the horde. I wouldn’t leave them. More importantly, I wouldn’t leave you.”
Arokan blew out a long exhale through his nostrils and he bent low so he could touch our foreheads together.