was good for your stupid ass. But then you had to go and ruin it.”
I say nothing. What’s the point? She’s right.
“You fucked up this time, Knight. And you’re going to regret it. That’s the only reason I’m not kicking you in the balls right now. That regret is gonna hurt far worse than any hit I could deliver.”
She turns and walks away, not sparing me a second glance. My eyes fall away from her retreating figure before I open my car door and slide inside. As soon as the door closes behind me, my driver takes off, and once more, I bring up my thumb to brush against my scar.
Blue doesn’t have to worry about whether or not I’ll suffer with regret. I already do. And she’s right. It fucking hurts.
Once I get home, I work for several more hours.
Work, work, work.
That’s what my life consists of. It’s a constant routine. One I can control. A needed distraction.
By the time I look over at the clock, I see that it’s two o’clock in the morning, so I force myself to close my laptop. I rub my burning eyes before getting up and heading to the backyard for some fresh air. I walk past my pool and find myself going down the hill to the beach.
I stand at the shoreline, hearing the echoes of her sobs in the wind. Envisioning how her tears glittered as they tracked down her cheeks. She looked distressed and somber, and so goddamn beautiful that all I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and soothe her back to smiles.
I’ve come here and done this very same ritual every damn night. I don’t know why I continue to torture myself by replaying our fight. Maybe it’s because I know I deserve it. I deserve this awful feeling in my chest.
My only hope is that she moves on. I hope she finds someone who will love and cherish her the way she deserves. And he damn well better appreciate the color she’ll bring to his life and adore her for who she is.
By the time I drag my weary feet back up the steep steps of the hill, I’m so exhausted that dizziness spins my head. I really should’ve gone to sleep like Harvey suggested.
It’s not until I feel my defibrillator kick in to correct my heart’s erratic beating that I realize I won’t be making it up the rest of the steps.
A surprised puff of air leaves my lungs just as I fall hard to my knees and start rolling all the way back down the hill.
My head smacks hard against a piece of driftwood as I land on the ground, and I stare up at the night sky unblinkingly, grimacing at the poetic justice of it all.
It seems fitting that my heart would give out right here, in the spot where Trix tried to give me hers.
The last thing I see in my mind is Trix’s face. The last thing I feel is pain stabbing into my chest. The last thing I hear is the waves rushing up the shore, like they want to wash me away. The last thing I say as my heart gives out is one final truth. “I love you too.”
And then, there’s nothing.
Chapter 33
Trix
I’m going to get popped like a damn pimple.
I haven’t been able to use my powers for three weeks. Three godsdamned weeks of my cupidity totally shitting on me.
Maybe it’s because my heart isn’t in it. I don’t know.
Every time I try, I either get a putrid exhale that does fuck-all, or my Lust somehow turns to a serious dose of loathing instead.
I’m pathetic.
I’m heartbroken.
And my time is running out.
Warren won’t love me back, and my powers refuse to work. Maybe the Veil should take me out.
What good am I? I can’t fulfill my purpose. The man I love doesn’t want me. So I’m not sure what the fricken point is anymore. Why did I go through all of this to just end up erased from existence?
Fate is an even bigger bitch than those karma cunts.
I’m lying in the nudist colony’s meditation retreat. It’s really just a fancy name for a repurposed garden shed. It’s only about four feet by four feet, but it’s set apart from the houses, near the colony’s vegetable garden, and it’s usually empty, so I’ve been coming in here to be alone.
Funny how I keep seeking separation when all my heart wants is to be with someone. A very