She shakes her head, a beaming smile on her face. “Not at all. In fact, this settles it. You’ll come with me.”
Taken off-guard, I look at her with confusion. “Uh...what?”
She nods emphatically, like it’s all decided. “You have a good aura, and this card proves that you are an innocent—that you are embarking on new beginnings. But you can be easily taken advantage of or fall from your own naiveté. You’re in need of outside help. The universe and Mother Nature worked together to push us together.”
“Uh…”
Don’t get me wrong, I do need help. But I’ve heard all about Mother Nature. The way some cupids tell it, she’s a real PMS’ing, mood-swinging cunt. Catch her on a bad day, and she’ll knock you down with whatever natural disaster strikes her fancy. The last thing you want to do is get on her bad side.
“You really don’t have to. I’m sure I’ll be fine…”
“Nonsense,” she cuts me off. “You have no pants on, and you’ve been drooling over pasta that comes from a truck for the past half hour. You’ll come home with us.”
“Us?”
My eyes flick over to the older men on either side of her. The surfer dude nods and throws an arm over the woman. “We’re her life partners.”
“Oh.” My eyes go back to the woman. “Both of them?”
A teasing grin spreads across her wrinkled face. “What can I say? I’m a lot of woman to handle, and three was always my favorite number.”
Huh. Now the I Heart Polyamory button on her cargo bag makes more sense.
“Now, come on. It’s compost heap day, and I don’t want to be late.”
“Oh. Right. Don’t wanna miss that.”
I don’t even really know how my life has changed so suddenly, but I find myself following behind her anyway.
“Don’t feel obligated,” the Bruce Willis dude rushes to say as we all trail after her. “She tends to be a bit eccentric…”
The woman whirls around and smacks him playfully on the ass, cackling. “That’s not what you called it last night, Rob.”
That shuts Bruce—I mean, Rob—up. Even the top of his bald head looks like it’s blushing.
I carefully hold down the hem of the jacket to hide my bouncing bum cheeks as I hurry after her. She walks fricken fast for an older lady. Or maybe I just haven’t gotten the hang of this whole real body thing, because after only about twenty steps, I’m winded and sore.
I glance around as we pass by more street vendors and head up the sidewalk, past all the commercial buildings and storefronts. I have no idea where she’s leading me, so I’m just going to hope that she doesn’t turn out to be some unconventional serial killer.
“What’s your name?” I ask her.
“I am Hummingbird Sunshower,” she answers breezily.
“Judy. Her name is Judy,” Rob answers, making me chuckle. “The surfer asshole is Hale.”
“Nice to meet you all.”
Rob looks over at me expectantly, like he’s waiting for more. It takes me a few seconds before I realize he’s waiting for me to tell him my name. “Oh, uh, I haven’t really picked a name yet. I’m still working on it.”
Hummingbird Judy nods over at me, ignoring all the people who are forced to move out of her way as she walks. “Yes, child!” she says with excited arm movements. “Shed what society and authoritarian begetters have forced upon you, and say, no more! We will not answer to a word that does not sing with our soul. No more! You brand yourself! Pick a name that suits you.”
I nod. “Brand with a singing soul. Got it.”
She looks very pleased with my answer.
I guess Hummingbird Judy Sunshower really has a thing with names. Who would’ve guessed?
Chapter 9
After walking for about ten minutes, I follow the trio into the back of a van.
Okay, yeah. It’s probably not the smartest thing to do. I mean, everyone knows better than to follow strangers into vans.
But in my defense, this one has bright purple flowers hand-painted on the side of it, and huge bubble letters with the slogan, “Nothin’ but good vibes and smooth rides,” so I feel like it’s a safe bet. Although, if I’m being honest, the drive is a bit bumpy.
I sit in the back with Hummingbird Judy and Surfer Hale while Bruce Willis Rob drives. The back has bench seats all along the interior walls, with purple shag carpeting on the floor and a boom box built into the middle console. Floral curtains flap