neighbour and I’ve come here to help you of my own free will. She handed herself in. I didn’t have anything against her; she was kind to me. She was just weird, that’s all. Why the hell would I attack her? (Pause) OK, so I followed her in. I did. I should have said that, but I was worried I’d sound as weird as her. I was curious, that’s all. I suppose I was imagining satanic rituals or something. Sacrifice of a small rodent on a stone slab. She was walking slowly, as if she was scared. At one point she stopped. My heart was in my mouth, to be honest. And when she turned around, I nearly screamed. Thank God there was a large headstone right there and I was able to hide behind it quite easily, being petite. And then of course she ducked behind a grave herself. It was then that I saw the Central Casting pervert in the doorway. I mean, do these people have no originality? I was going to walk away there and then. The grubbiness of it all reminded me too much of my ex. But Rachel! Oh no, she was transfixed. Could not take her eyes off him. And that made me realise that there really was no end to her weirdness. As I said to Mark, it was as if she wasn’t there in her own head, or at all. I mean, I just thought he should know. But I didn’t knock her out. Or bang her head on the gravestone. No way. I would never do something like that.
32
Mark
Transcript of recorded interview with Mark Edwards (excerpt)
Also present: DI Heather Scott, PC Marilyn Button
ME: A couple of times I heard her talking to herself. To the file, I mean. And Katie walked in on her doing it. I did try and talk to her, to Rach, about it. When she started it, she said she’d already written to our MP, said she wanted to go to Parliament to protest about the terrible knife-crime statistics and what were they going to do about it. We’re neither of us very confident about that sort of thing – public speaking, like – but I think she thought that the ones who are good at public speaking, the ones in charge who were bred and educated for it, like, weren’t speaking the kind of language she thought they should be. She wanted to try and bring the numbers down. Make the government clamp down sort of thing. Or do something. I thought it was a pipe dream, something she needed to do until she didn’t, if you know what I mean. I thought it was hopeless, to be honest. I don’t trust politicians. They’re all as bad as each other. Posh hate-mongering’s the same as any old hate-mongering in my book, and I know Rach felt the same. The blame game, going round and round. It’s always someone else’s fault.
But she didn’t take any notice of me so I stopped saying anything and she kept printing off the reports and I think they were affecting her health. I’ve thought about it since she turned herself in, obviously, about her having that episode all those years before. I’ve put two and two together. I don’t know why I didn’t think about that; it was Lisa who made me think about it, Lisa who said I should get her some help. I’ve been a bloody idiot. We were lost, me and Rach. Katie was lost as well. And Kieron, obviously.
When she went down, I should have stepped up. I should have saved her, saved all of us. When I think where she must have been up to, you know, mentally, to get to a place where she could have done those things, and me not even noticing… I mean, what kind of husband does that make me? What kind of husband doesn’t notice his own wife, for God’s sake?
33
Rachel
I think Amanda is tired. She looks a bit pale and there are dark circles under her eyes, which the concealer can’t quite hide. Maybe her kids kept her awake last night. Maybe she had a row with her husband. Maybe she went out on the lash. Who knows? As for me, I’m not tired. I’m like a boxer going in for round one, punching my big gloves together: come on, let’s do this. I just want it all off my chest and no one, no one has ever