have known it was more than that. I mean, I knew it was, obviously.
HS: It was more?
LB: (Pause) She’d been ill before. When her Kieron was born. Mark and I were frantic. In the end we called the hospital and they came and took her, and to be fair, she did get better. Postpartum psychosis she had, so I should have put two and two together, what with it being another hormonal time for a woman. But I’m only putting two and two together now. At the time, I didn’t know she had anything to do with those attacks. It never occurred to me. Thing is, Rachel’s kind to everyone, and I mean everyone, from the man in the street to her best friend. That’s me. I’m her best friend, always have been. I’d do anything for her, literally anything at all. She was a bloody rock to me when Patrick left. Both my girls call her Auntie Rach. She never forgets their birthdays, never. She even sends them both a Valentine’s card every year with love from guess who? on it. I mean, they’re in their twenties now so I suppose I should break it to them, like… Sorry, I make jokes when I’m nervous. I’m just so up to here with it all. I just wish I’d done more to help her. I kept asking her if she was OK, but she wouldn’t let me in. She wouldn’t talk to me about it. So in the end I had to respect that. She knew I was worried about her. She knows I love her to bits, like. We didn’t need words to know that the other one wasn’t right. You don’t, do you, when you’ve known somebody that long?
HS: So you’re saying that you had no concerns about Rachel’s mental health back in June?
LB: Not then, no. No more than was normal. But as the weeks went on, she withdrew. I should’ve recognised the signs. But she’d just button up and that’d be it, change the subject, say she had to go. It was like a screen came down, one of them metal shutters like they have on shop doors, you know?
HS: Mrs Baxter, do you remember telling Rachel that she could get away with murder?
LB: What? I mean… I might have said something like that, but I was only joking. Come on, you can’t take something like that and turn it into something else. That’s twisting my words, that is. She was upset because she felt like Mark didn’t notice her anymore. Or her Katie. I knew exactly how she felt – don’t we all? I was just trying to cheer her up, that’s all. I didn’t for one moment suggest that she should go out and start killing people. Come on, that’s completely mad. I still can’t believe she’d attack anyone, let alone kill them. I mean, that young girl? No way. It’s just not Rachel, do you know what I mean? She wouldn’t hurt anyone. I can’t believe it. I won’t believe it. It’s just not her. (Breaks down)
6
Rachel
‘Get away with murder.’ Blue Eyes’ head twitches to one side. ‘That’s a bold statement.’
I see what she did there. I’m not daft.
‘I think it’s fair to say it got under my skin,’ I admit. ‘But I didn’t come over all “I Don’t Like Mondays” and go on a shooting spree or anything. Things got weirder, yes. I got weirder, I mean, but weirdness is like ageing: you don’t notice it as much day by day, do you? It creeps up on you and one day you catch your reflection and see your own mother staring back. Or father, in my case, beard and all unfortunately.’
She doesn’t laugh, even though I’m trying to lighten the mood. But she’s spot on when she suggests the words might have stuck. Most of what Lisa said stuck, to be honest. Why? Because she’s my best friend, that’s why, and at the time I thought she had only good intentions towards me. But that evening, maybe because I’d had a moan, I noticed more than usual that it was me that made the dinner, me that cleared up, me that put the washing on the rack after folding the dry clothes and sorting them into piles to iron, me that took them upstairs and put them away. I noticed how Mark went straight through to watch telly without saying thank you, how Katie disappeared to her room the moment her knife