says, ‘at a time when you were troubled about your relationship with Lisa. You were drifting apart. You were fearful of having committed acts of violence, couldn’t talk about your fears, and this secrecy was coming between the two of you. You felt that you no longer had a close friend, someone you felt safe with. And then you met Anne-Marie and saw in her someone you felt you could become friends with, is that right?’
‘She was so nice. She was a good egg.’
‘Good.’ Amanda reaches for her coffee, takes a sip.
‘I was missing Lisa, wasn’t I?’
‘Possibly.’ She slides a sheet of paper from the bottom of her notes and hands it to me. ‘Rachel, I want to return again to the clip file. This is the first entry you put in there, as I’m sure you know. I want you to read it aloud to me, if you can.’
I recognise the clipping straight away. I knew what it said, every word, before she placed it into my trembling hands.
I shake my head, my belly heating with anxiety. ‘I can’t.’
‘Do you recognise it?’
‘I can’t.’
And despite telling her I can’t, I do. I read it.
50
Rachel
Third knife attack in capital this year
Police have released details about a stabbing that took place last night in Hoxton. Officers were called to Bar Go at about 11.45 p.m. after a report of a knife attack outside the popular nightspot.
‘When officers arrived on scene, they located a 20-year-old male who had been stabbed on the pavement immediately outside the bar,’ police spokesperson Rania Hanif said. ‘The man was transported to the Royal London Hospital and is said to be in a critical condition.’
After an anonymous tip-off from a customer, the police traced a 28-year-old man to a flat in Blackhorse Lane and have taken him into custody.
This story will be updated as more information is released.
Another sheet of paper shushes across the table.
‘I know this is difficult.’ Amanda’s voice comes to me as if through water. ‘I want you to read this article too if you can.’
I pick up the sheet of paper. I know it off by heart. But I read it.
Stabbing victim loses fight for life
The man attacked late on Thursday evening outside Bar Go, Hoxton, has died of his injuries. He has been named as Kieron Edwards, an art student at Goldsmiths, University of London.
A 28-year-old man, who has not been named, was held for questioning but has been released. Police are appealing for witnesses to come forward.
‘We offer our deepest sympathy to the victim’s family,’ police spokesperson Rania Hanif told reporters in today’s press conference. ‘And we will stop at nothing until the perpetrators are arrested and charged.’
‘In the six years I’ve been here,’ said landlord Sid Black, ‘I’ve seen fights break out but I’ve never witnessed anything like this. We welcome anyone into this pub and anyone who objects to the lifestyles of others should find somewhere else to drink. This was an unprovoked hate crime as far as I’m concerned. The police need to step up their efforts to protect the public and stop the scourge of hate and prejudice in our cities.’
‘London remains committed to a zero-tolerance attitude towards knife crime,’ Mayor Sadiq Khan later commented. ‘Anyone caught carrying a knife will be arrested and charged. Parents would be wise to remind their children that the penalty for possession of a knife is four years.’
The papers fall from my hands. I hear them slide to the floor.
‘Rachel. In the story you told me, you mentioned a couple of times texting your son, Kieron, at university.’
‘I did.’
‘You told Anne-Marie you had two children.’
‘I… I did.’
‘You told Ingrid that your son was at university.’
‘I did.’
‘Can you tell me what these newspaper clippings relate to?’
The breath stills in my chest, shudders out of me in a heavy rush.
‘My son,’ I manage. ‘I can’t. I can’t.’
‘I understand. It’s a difficult thing to say, Rachel. You’ve found it impossible. As have Mark and Katie. The three of you haven’t spoken about Kieron at all, have you? About his death. Is it possible you haven’t been able to believe it?’
‘I don’t know. I just… can’t talk about it. I don’t want to.’
‘Can you tell me? Can you tell me now, do you think?’
I close my eyes. Time stills in the silent room. I think of Kieron’s bedroom door at home. I think of my hand on the door handle, the breath caught in my chest. I haven’t been into that room for a year. I