Cammie Healy - Jennifer Foor Page 0,23

form I decided not to argue. If he needed proof I wouldn’t stand in his way.

The drive to the hospital was worse than being in the house alone with him. He talked to himself the whole way, stammering on about his problems and messed up life.

In the passenger seat next to him I sobbed quietly, suddenly coming to terms with the fact that there was quite a lot I obviously didn’t know about James. This side of him scared me, and I knew there was more to the story than he was leading on. I think during that ride I knew his wife had been telling the truth. I wasn’t the first student James had been with. If she was being honest, I was just a toy to him, and soon I’d be nothing but a mistake, swept under the rug to never be mentioned again.

The wait to be seen wasn’t as bad as I suspected. An hour after signing in we were put into a room and blood was drawn. James continued with his silent treatment, and instead of making a scene, I decided to give him the same cold shoulder.

Having patience wasn’t exactly easy. There was so much I needed to say to him, but the words wouldn’t come. By the time the doctor came in with the results I felt like I was going to vomit all over myself.

She stood with my results in her hands. James walked over to stand at my side. I reached for his hand, and surprisingly he let me take it.

“The results were positive for pregnancy. Since you’re unsure of your last menstrual period I’m going to do a quick sonogram to check the size and get a better idea of a due date. The nurse will bring you in some water. Once your bladder is full enough, I’ll order the tests.”

Halfway through her statement he’d let go of my hand. I tried not to cry, but it was impossible to take in this kind of news and not react accordingly. When I first took the test I’d been excited. I thought this was going to be the reason he finally moved on. I assumed he’d file for divorce. This side of James was unpredictable.

“How could you be so careless?” He asked me.

“It takes two, James. What’s wrong with you today? Why are you being so insensitive?”

“Me? You’re the one who is trying to trap me.”

“Trap you?” Was he really accusing me of doing this on purpose? “I’d never!”

He waved his hands around. “I need some air.” I watched him leave the room, and silently wondered if he’d return at all.

In between tears I drank my water. I didn’t call anyone to come sit with me, or search anything else on the internet. I laid there staring at the white ceiling tiles wondering what in the world was happening to my life once organized life.

James came back into the room following the sonogram cart.

He was my downfall, my reason for self-destructing. He’d done this to me; given me false hope regarding a future I knew we’d never be able to have. Too much scrutiny wouldn’t allow for a happy ending. Too many people had been burned by his wrath, his lies and deceit. Too many truths unraveled, resulting in betrayal and unjustly consequences. What good was a relationship without the ability to trust? I was fully aware of what had to be done, yet as James stood in front of me, his pleading eyes baring into my soul, I knew I’d never be able to let him go. He had a hold on me still, and knowing that made this another worthless attempt to break free. I couldn’t shake this man, even if he took me down with him, forcing me to give up everything I’d ever wanted.

He whispered in my ear. “Cammie, please don’t do this. I’m begging you. You can’t have this baby.”

I turned away, my eyes soiled with my own suffering. I knew if I pretended he wasn’t with me it would be easier. I stared at the wall in the room; a picture of a growing fetus and the cycle of gestation was my main focus. My hand coursed over my stomach, still too small to notice something was growing inside of me. I knew what I wanted, what needed to happen in order for me to live with myself. I was fully aware of what would happen if I let this man have the last say in