Cammie Healy - Jennifer Foor Page 0,18
together again. I’d be soaked and ready, completely turned on knowing I was in the presence of so many people while doing dirty things.
It was dangerous and exciting, both I’d never been keen on, not until James came into my life. I didn’t know myself anymore. I’d become someone else; someone just as twisted as the man I loved to no end.
Our relationship was perfect aside from not having him all the time. He took care of me, promising me a future I’d only dreamed of having. I thought he meant it when he told me he loved me. No longer did I worry about about it being a fling. What we had was real. It was intense and meaningful. He’d made it evident.
James took control of my life.
He was my friend. He helped me with my studies. He comforted me when I felt alone. He knew just what to say to prevent me from worrying. The sex. Well, it was obviously a very important part of us.
He’d become my future, wedged right in between a career I’d strived my whole life for.
Chapter 9
It wasn’t a shocker when I started waking up each morning feeling ill. I’m studying to be a doctor, so naturally I knew exactly what was going on with my body. We’d been careless. We were having unprotected sex every single day, sometimes more than once.
I don’t know why I assumed he couldn’t get me pregnant. Maybe in the back of my mind I thought he’d gotten a vasectomy. Maybe I was an idiot when it came to James altogether. Being irresponsible wasn’t exactly something I knew much about. From a young age I’d prided myself in doing what was right, thinking before acting, and more importantly weighing the outcomes before the plan was set into motion. This new side of me was alarming, because I knew I’d gone down a road without headlights. Pretty soon there would be a cliff and I’d drive right off it.
This was the first step.
It took me a while to get the courage to buy one of those drugstore tests. I was embarrassed when I paid at the register, taking note of the looks I was getting from the cashier. She was judging me, and I deserved it. If she only knew who the potential father was. I’d be the talk of the campus.
I waited until Jasmine wasn’t around to pee on the stick. The particular test I'd purchased stated I could take it at any time of day. Three minutes went by before I glanced over and saw what I already knew was true. I was with child, and suddenly all my other problems were blowing in the wind.
This couldn’t be happening. I stared down at the test, praying one of the lines would suddenly disappear. How could I have been this careless? Surely I should have known to use protection.
I closed my eyes, tears welling up so heavily I had to blink. This wasn’t how my future was supposed to go. I had one more semester until I graduated. I still had at least three more years of graduate school, and then more of working my ass off to be able to take my boards. This was a disaster. My professor had knocked me up. Worse, I’d fallen hopelessly in love with a man who would never be able to offer me a bit of support.
I felt sick to my stomach, finally hovering over the porcelain toilet bowl to release the rest of what I’d eaten the night before. My dreams were going up in flames. Nothing could ease the pain. I’d done this to myself. I’d let him have his way, knowing damn well the consequences. We hadn’t taken precautions. Hell, I’d done everything wrong from the get-go. This was my undoing, mine alone.
In a ball on the floor I cried myself into a maddened stupor. My roommate came to the rescue, helping me to my bed before demanding an explanation. “Are you flunking? What’s going on?”
Jasmine hadn’t exactly been a friend to me. I suppose in light of the way I’d been living my life she was as close as I was going to get. “I’m in trouble, Jas. Big trouble.”
“Trouble like you stole a car, robbed a liquor store and shot someone while fleeing, or trouble like you’re knocked up by a teacher?” When she said it I felt my heart drop.
“Why would you go right to that conclusion?”
“This might be a big campus, but news