Called Out of Darkness Page 0,20

even grander scale. Our dresses were fancier and more expensive, and this time we wore not only the white wreaths of flowers, but exquisite veils thrown back over the wreaths to form beautiful layers of white netting trimmed in a thorn stitch of white silk.

These were the big sacraments of being Catholic. And they were high points of Catholic life for everyone involved.

The First Confession I recall with some pain. This came before First Communion, and I was perhaps six years old.

We were taught how to examine our consciences and determine what sins we had committed; and we were told that we had to be extremely thorough, and confess every single sin that we could recall. To deliberately leave out a sin was a terrible sin, a sin of sacrilege that would invalidate the Confession and of course leave one in a state of sin which was devoutly to be avoided at all costs. When the priest gave us absolution, our sins would be forgiven, absolutely completely wiped away. The penance given by the priest would be a matter of Hail Marys or Our Fathers. I never remember it being more than that during the entire time I was growing up.

Now, I was six years old at this time, as I said, which meant, strictly speaking, I had not reached the Age of Reason. So I wasn't really qualified to commit a sin. However, I was going to be seven soon enough, and I was painfully conscious of what that meant. At the age of seven I could commit a mortal sin and go to Hell forever for it. And so the Confession went forward, and the Confession was of the utmost importance.

We also learned at that time that there were two kinds of sins, mortal sins and venial sins, and this was a lesson that has stayed with me, in one form or another, all my life. I don't think I've ever stopped thinking of sin in terms of two kinds of sins.

A mortal sin was of course the worst. If one died with a mortal sin on one's conscience, one went to Hell. I vaguely recall the question in the catechism, "What three things are necessary to make a sin mortal?" I've been unable to find a reprint of the catechism that has the answer I can only partially reproduce. It went something like "The matter must be grievously wrong, the sinner must know that it is grievously wrong, and the sinner must have full intent to commit the sin." There's a great deal to ponder in this answer. But let me move on to the description of venial sin which I can take now from a reprint of the 1933 edition of the Baltimore Catechism:

Venial sin is a slight offence against the law of God in matters of less importance; or in matters of great importance it is an offence committed without suffi-cient reflection or full consent of the will.

Again, there's a lot to ponder here, because the description is both detailed and comprehensive and describes human actions on a multitude of levels and from different points of view.

As a little child, I found nothing confusing in any of this.

It seemed logical and of a piece with the images in the church, the complex and ever unfolding story of Jesus' life on earth, and the entire picture of God in Heaven and the faithful down here struggling to do His will.

I remember standing in the back of the church with other little girls waiting nervously for this first Confession. The confessional box was a tall tri-part affair made of black wood.

The priest sat in the center compartment, behind a little black wooden gate, and with a green curtain hanging above it, and those who wanted to confess entered to kneel in compartments on either side. The priest alternated between sides, opening a screen to hear the Confession of the kneeling person whom the priest could hardly see. To those of us going to Confession, the priest was a profile and a voice.

I was afraid I'd forget something; I went back over and over my sins. But I don't recall now what they were. I suspect they focused on the Fourth Commandment: "Honor thy father and thy mother." It did seem this was the most important challenge facing me at that point. I don't recall the Confession itself. I recall others over the years, as I went to Confession every week after that right up through the age