Call Me Crazy (Bellamy Creek #3) - Melanie Harlow Page 0,100
feels like the worst flu I’ve ever had. My chest hurts, my stomach is churning all the time, and my head is all foggy and fucked up.”
Griffin nodded. “You’re in love with her.”
“For sure,” added Blair, pouring some olive oil in a sauté pan.
I hung my head, closing my eyes. “I saw her in church this morning, and I couldn’t even breathe. What am I going to do?”
“Get her back,” said Griffin.
“She doesn’t want me, Griff. She kicked me out last night.”
“Because you did it wrong,” Blair said, tossing the garlic into the pan. Within seconds it was sizzling and fragrant. “You strutted in there like a peacock and expected her to just fall into bed with you. You didn’t tell her how you felt.”
“Yes, I did,” I argued.
Griffin looked at me with suspicion.
“Okay, I sort of did,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck.
At the stove, Blair was shaking her head.
“What did you say?” Griffin asked.
“I told her I missed her—I said lots of nice things about missing her—but then she started in with all these questions, and I panicked.”
Griffin sipped his beer. “What kind of questions?”
“Like about the future,” I said, growing unnerved all over again. “She asked where we’d end up, and I didn’t know. I felt like she was expecting me to predict exactly what will happen. It’s impossible, isn’t it? How can you promise someone something like forever—until fucking death do you part—and not feel like you’re just gambling on it? To me, it seems like building a house without a blueprint. Hmm, let’s just start laying bricks and see what happens.” I shook my head. “It’s madness. And yet . . . I can’t see forever without her. I don’t want to.”
“You’re not wrong, Enzo,” Blair said, dumping a can of diced tomatoes into the pan. “It is a kind of madness. And it is a gamble. You have to be willing to take a risk.”
I exhaled. “Even if I am willing, how do I convince her to give me another chance? She keeps pushing me away. Even after she said she loved me, she pushed me away.”
“Okay, but think about that,” Blair said, stirring her sauce. “Let’s say she’s being honest about her feelings—because I think she is. She does love you. She didn’t want to, but she does. So why do you think she would push you away?”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I have no fucking idea.”
“I bet you do.”
I glared at her back. “You sound just like my mother. If I had all these answers, I wouldn’t be so miserable trying to read her mind—or yours!”
Blair adjusted the gas under the pan and turned around to face me. “Look, I’m trying to navigate this without betraying my friend. I’m sorry it’s frustrating for you. But I really think you can piece together why Bianca believes breaking it off with you now will save her a lot of heartache later.”
I thought back to her exact words last night. “She did say this one thing.”
“What was it?” Griffin asked.
“She said that she had to leave me before I left her.”
Griffin tilted his head. “Why does she think you’d leave her?”
“I got the feeling it was because of the baby thing,” I said, my chest aching again. “She doesn’t think she can get pregnant, and maybe she’s afraid I’d leave her because of it.”
“Bingo.” Blair pointed at me. “And Enzo, as much as I want you two to end up together, I think you have to ask yourself that question. If you want your own biological kids and Bianca can’t get pregnant, that’s an issue.”
I walked away from them and over to the living room windows, which looked out over Main Street. It wasn’t as busy as it would be in a month, once school was out and tourism really picked up, but there were a decent amount of people wandering up and down the block, parents pushing strollers or holding the hands of toddlers, kids racing around with ice cream cones.
Blair came up beside me and looked out too.
“I do want kids,” I said, watching a father lift a little girl onto his shoulders. “But I want them with her, no matter what. Nothing feels right without her.”
“I think she needs to hear that,” she said gently.
“But what if she rejects me again?”
She laughed. “Do it right this time, and she won’t.”
I frowned.
“The good thing is, you’re already married to her.” She elbowed me.