Cabin of Axes - Bea Paige Page 0,38

hard.

“It’s fine. I want to talk about it.” And I realise I do. I need to understand what’s happening. I need to understand who these men are to me.

It’s time to stop pretending. It’s time for the truth.

Chapter Twelve

“What is it that you want to tell us?” Franklin asks as we sit in the open living area together half an hour later.

Berrin and Mathieson are sitting on the L-shaped sofa. I’m perched on one of the armchairs and Franklin the other. My feet are pulled up beneath me. They’re all watching me, waiting patiently, I take a deep breath.

“I came to find the Cabin of Axes because of the note I found in Berrin’s jacket pocket in the hope that when I met you all, you’d be able to shed some light on who I am. Today a part of me revealed itself.”

“That was pretty fucking impressive by the way,” Berrin says, jerking his chin towards Mathieson’s sore hand.

“Thanks.” I smile at him and he winks, but my own smile drops as I draw in a breath to calm my nerves at what I’m about to say. Shifting in my seat I hold my gaze steady. “Today we had sex and it was mind blowing…”

“Why, thank you,” he grins, looking smug.

“You fucked?!” Mathieson snaps, glaring at Berrin who holds his hands up.

“Hey, don’t get pissy just because you can’t handle yourself around her.”

“You were supposed to watch over her, not fuck her!” Mathieson retorts angrily.

“Hey, don’t talk about me like I’m not in the room,” I admonish. “I wanted to have sex with Berrin. Needed it, actually. I was hoping that by doing so my memories would return because…”

“Because?” Franklin asks, canting his head.

“Because I’ve been dreaming about you all. A lot.”

Franklin shuffles forward in his seat and rests his elbows on his knees, his eyes never leaving mine though he doesn’t say a word. I’m not sure I’m comfortable with the way he’s looking at me, but I refuse to let it stop me from saying what I must.

“What kind of dreams?” Mathieson asks.

“The kind of dreams that have me needing…”

“Needing?” Berrin prompts, his smile slipping from his face only to be replaced with an intense look. He knows what I mean. A look of understanding passes between us and my skin heats at the memory of his touch.

“To fuck. To orgasm. I wake up needing release. These dreams are intense. Like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.”

“Holy shit,” Mathieson mutters. Berrin whistles and Franklin remains quiet, but when none of them say anything further, I carry on.

“I don’t think they’re dreams. I think they’re memories.”

“We’ve been over this, darling. I think I’d know if I’d fucked you before because, frankly, you’re unforgettable,” Berrin says, giving me a look that has me wanting to climb on top of him and sheathing his dick inside my tight walls, right here, right now. Goddamn it. I bite my lip and look away.

“He’s right. We’ve not met before now…” Mathieson adds, frowning, but something tells me he’s not so certain. There’s hesitation there, a slight cant to his head as he questions himself. Drawing in a deep breath, I explain further.

“When part of my memory came back earlier, it felt exactly the same as these dreams I’ve been having, just a little less intense. When I dream of you all, it’s insanely real, incredibly intense, and utterly mind-blowing. I’m wet when I awake, dripping with desire and a lingering knowledge that I know your bodies as intimately as you know mine.”

“Sometimes the subconscious mind has a way of fooling the conscious one,” Franklin says, flicking his gaze to Berrin and Mathieson before settling back on me.

“Franklin has a point. I often have very vivid nightmares of our time in Afghanistan. The dreams are always distorted and differ from what actually happened but even though I know that it’s a dream and not reality or even a memory, there are some nights when I wake up believing it to be true.”

“I’m sorry for what you’re going through, truly, but this isn’t the same,” I say to Mathieson earnestly. “This isn’t my subconscious mind fooling my conscious one. These aren’t distorted dreams. These are memories.”

My cheeks flush as I chew on my lip trying to figure out how to make them understand. They look at each other but don’t say a word. Raising my hand, I place it palm down on the middle of my chest. I can feel my heart thundering beneath my rib