Bury Me - Tara Sivec Page 0,84

a raspberry.

“I know you said you would never lie to me, but did you tell us the truth about our father?” she whispers.

I’ve always wondered why this question has never come up before, from either of my girls. I was honestly shocked that they took my explanation as gospel and just accepted it. I pat Mavra’s knee comfortingly, feeling bad that she’s probably held this question in for thirty years, my decision to finally tell them everything today the only reason she’s finally asking it. I could give her the truth she’s seeking and hope that it wouldn’t make her hate me or look at me differently, or I could stick with what I told them when they were ten years old, even if it’s selfish of me.

“Yes, everything I told you about your father was true,” I confirm. “I tried, I really did, Mavra. I tried for ten years to have a normal life and be a normal person, hiding the biggest part of myself from my husband, and it just became too much for me. It’s true that he left and never looked back when I asked him to go, but don’t blame him. Don’t ever hate him for leaving. He was a good, kind man and a wonderful father to you and Faina. His only fault was always doing anything I asked of him, even if that meant leaving his daughters behind.”

Mavra lets out a relieved sigh, and I reassure myself that I did what I had to do. The truth would only hurt her.

“Tell me again,” I ask, standing in the kitchen with my hands clasped together behind my back.

Nolan stops making a sandwich and turns to face me. “Again? Aren’t you getting tired of hearing this?”

He laughs, wiping his hands on his jeans before walking across the kitchen to stand right in front of me.

“We’ve been married for ten years, Tatiana. You lived through hell and came out stronger than I would have ever believed. You gave birth to our two gorgeous girls, and you took over running Gallow’s Hill all by yourself. You’ve survived all of this and still, you never believe what I tell you.”

He smiles down at me, letting me know he’s not mad at all that I’m asking this question again for probably the hundredth time. Nolan reaches up and brushes a lock of hair away from my face and I clench my teeth, forcing myself not to cringe at his touch.

“Please, one last time, I promise,” I tell him as I stare up into his blue eyes that shine down on me with so much love and devotion that it’s almost hard to believe.

He brings his hands up and holds my face in his hands.

“Only if you ask,” he whispers softly.

“Tell me when you first fell in love with me,” I whisper back.

Nolan replies immediately and without hesitation. “I fell in love with you the first moment I saw you, stuffy dress, pulled-back hair, snobby attitude, and all. I spent two years loving you from afar and it was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

I close my eyes and sigh, feigning relief. I’ve asked him this same question since I was eighteen years old and his answer has never changed. I’ve tried so hard to be a good wife to him. I’ve tried so hard to make this work and have a normal life, but it’s just not possible. I can’t live like this anymore.

Nolan’s answer to my question will always be the same, and I’ll always wonder if he loved Ravenna more than me. She’s the one he saw on his first day of work. She’s the one he loved from afar for two years, not me, even though my carefully constructed lies have led him to believe it was me the entire time.

If Ravenna was alive today and he knew us both, would he still pick me?

I can’t live with unanswered questions. I always have to know the truth, and this is a truth I’ll never learn.

I open my eyes and smile up at my husband. My stupid, clueless, gullible husband. I say a quick apology in my head to Faina and Mavra, grateful that they are at school all day today.

“Close your eyes, Nolan, I have a surprise,” I whisper softly.

He does as I ask, just like always, his blue eyes disappearing beneath his eyelids, a smile frozen wide on his face.

“I tried, I really did,” I whisper too softly for him to hear.

Taking a step back