This Burns My Heart Page 0,55

signs of dementia. She could see the question forming on the nurse’s lips: What were you doing walking around the snow-covered streets at one in the morning? But the nurse simply nodded and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you’re gone before he gets here.”

“Soo-Ja…”

Soo-Ja woke with a start, stunned to hear Yul’s voice. He switched the light on, and the ceiling turned into white dotted mazes. Soo-Ja looked down and spotted her green hospital gown peeking from under a blanket. She was lying on one of three small beds, each facing a different wall.

“Yul…” Soo-Ja mumbled.

He wore his civilian clothes, but with a doctor’s robe over them. He didn’t look much different from the last time she’d seen him. Except now he wore his hair longer, and his clothes looked almost European in their cut. He still had the same serious eyes, the dimples on his cheeks, and the tall, muscular frame of a fighter.

“Your clothes are drying by the boiler,” said Yul. “I had the nurse wash them. I’ll have her bring them back to you.”

“I need to go,” said Soo-Ja.

“Listen… I heard what happened,” said Yul.

“How?”

“There’s a waiting room outside. People talk.”

Soo-Ja looked around her. “Please. Tell the nurse to bring back my clothes. I need to go look for my daughter.”

“Have you gone to the village police yet?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“That’s the first thing we’ll do then.”

Soo-Ja looked at him, surprised. “We? Are you going to help me?”

“Yes, I am,” said Yul forcefully.

“My husband will be here at any moment now… And my in-laws, too.”

“Yes, I’m sure they will,” said Yul kindly. “I don’t doubt that.”

Soo-Ja took a deep breath, dropping her act. She couldn’t lie to Yul, as if at one point in the past she had made an oath to him. “It’s not Min’s fault. He doesn’t know. He’s in hiding. We all are, in a way, my in-laws and I. Debts.” Soo-Ja was surprised to hear herself telling that to Yul. She had never told anyone of their circumstances, not even her father.

“Don’t be embarrassed about that. There are a lot of people in debt these days. You have all this paper money in your hands, and the next day, the government says it’s worth nothing,” said Yul.

The nurse, who’d overheard their voices, came in with Soo-Ja’s clothes, and left as quickly as she had appeared. Yul turned around so Soo-Ja could get dressed. Soo-Ja walked behind a screen and began removing the hospital gown.

“Someone must have seen Hana. I don’t know if I can find Hana herself straightaway, but I can find someone who saw her playing, or walking by. Like the fruit peddlers on the street. They sit there all day, they must do their share of people-watching.” Soo-Ja put on her black cardigan sweater, embroidered with white trim along the edges, then took her big brown scarf and wrapped it around her shoulders and her arms. When she finished dressing, she did not tell Yul to turn around. Instead, she walked to him, tapping him lightly on the arm. Yul turned quickly, almost bumping into her. The sudden proximity of his body made Soo-Ja feel nervous, and she stepped back. When Soo-Ja looked at his face, she saw the intense look in his ink-black eyes. He hadn’t changed much. Still the same serious gaze, the melancholy air.

“We’ll get to her,” said Yul.

Soo-Ja believed him. She followed him out, past the waiting room and its many eyes looking up at them. When they came out onto the street, with its sudden, harsh morning light, Soo-Ja silently thanked him for his help, in a prayer.

Between puffs of his cigarette, the village police officer halfheartedly took down Hana’s description onto a palm-sized notebook. Behind him, fishermen carried nets and boxes packed with mackerel, hairtail, cuttlefish, and sea mussels from their trawlers onto the dock. Every breath took in scales and gills. Small ice islands, from the previous night’s snow, floated and cracked as they hit the boats. When he was done, the officer smiled suggestively at Soo-Ja. “It’s just that we’re so busy these days. I wish we had more resources, some money perhaps…”

Soo-Ja looked confused, but Yul seemed to understand his gist right away. He pulled some bills from his pocket and placed them in the officer’s hands. The man smiled, nodding slightly.

“I will see what I can do,” said the officer, walking away. Based on the way he spoke, it seemed clear he would do nothing. Soo-Ja put her arm out in