This Burns My Heart Page 0,39

know even less than the beggar on the street. At least the beggar knows he must beg, or he will not eat. You, on the other hand, seem to be under the impression you need not do anything, and a roof will always be over your head, and rice will magically appear.”

“I think no such thing,” she said. “That is why my father gave my husband a dowry, so I would not be a burden to my in-laws.”

Father-in-law scoffed. “Your dowry is gone. It has been spent.”

Soo-Ja gasped. “Gone? How can such a large sum be gone?”

“Don’t argue with me. If I say it’s gone, it’s gone.”

Oh, how she wanted to lash out at him. But one word, and he could have thrown her out. And if he did, word would get around town and shame her father. No, she had to endure this. She had to succeed here, as a wife and a daughter-in-law. A good report must go to her parents. Above all, they must think that she was happy. Her duty to them was the harshest taskmaster, making her bear pain and put up with matters she had not thought she could. Her days were fueled by hate for her in-laws, but that was insignificant next to the need to make her own parents proud.

“What would you like me to do?” Soo-Ja finally asked, hoping to quell the growing frustration building inside her.

Father-in-law looked pleased. The question, she realized, was what he’d been hoping to hear from the beginning of this conversation. “You must ask your father for money. And that money you must bring to me.”

Soo-Ja looked at Father-in-law, dumbfounded. She realized, in that moment, how much they had misled her about their supposed fortune. Soo-Ja had thought about this first when she noticed the armoires in their sparsely furnished rooms. Unlike the antique nong and bandaji in her own father’s house, which were made of dark, decorative grains like zelkova and persimmon, the dressers and chests in Min’s home had rusty fittings and were made of wood with undistinguished grain, like chestnut and pearwood. Even the clothes they wore seemed cheaply made. Mother-in-law’s and Na-yeong’s hanboks were made not of shimmering silk, but of dull ramie. They also lacked details, with no bindings along the hem or cuffs.

“How can I ask him for more money?” Soo-Ja asked, frowning. “Hasn’t he already given you enough?”

“Know that I can kick you out of here any day, for any reason,” barked Father-in-law. “No one will question me, and if they ask, I can say you were lazy, or dirty, or drank too much. They would side with me, you know that.” Soo-Ja’s eyes burned with anger, thinking about the shame that would bring to her parents. “Either way, know that from this day on, everything you eat, every piece of clothing on your back, is there thanks to my charity. I will keep strict accounts, and every day that passes, you will owe me more and more. And I will be able to ask more and more of your father.”

Some mornings, when Soo-Ja had to go food shopping at the market, she would stop by a newspaper stand and scan the headlines of the Chosun Ilbo. The military, which had seized power two years earlier, had finally agreed to transfer rule to a civilian government. Conveniently, the candidate chosen by the people turned out to be the same man who had staged that earlier coup d’état, Chung-Hee Park. His inauguration would take place shortly.

As she filled her basket with barley and dried laver, Soo-Ja often wondered what she would be doing, right at that moment, if she had indeed become a diplomat. She might be sitting opposite the ambassador from Uganda, wearing a light blue seersucker jacket with big buttons over a white silk blouse, and a freshly ironed navy pencil skirt tight at the waist. She might be explaining the election results’ relevance to the international community: “While not ideal, this shows our country moving in the direction of freedom, and proves that it deserves to be accepted into the United Nations. South Korea has established diplomatic relations with thirty-five countries in only the last two years, and will not abide by Russia’s attempts to block it.”

On the way back, with a pensive smile on her face, Soo-Ja would make a detour and stop by her father’s house to visit her family. Soo-Ja never told Mother-in-law about these trips, as she would have been furious. Mother-in-law thought