This Burns My Heart Page 0,130

up on the bed, struck by the urgency in Min’s voice. Min reached for her and gently wiped the sleep off her eyes.

“I want you to get out of here,” he said, pressing a note against her hand. “This is the account number, and the name of the bank. The money’s still there. It’s in a bank in Seoul.”

“Min, what’s happening?”

He looked at her as if he were taking a picture, as if this was how he wanted to remember her: in the dawn, with her hair falling softly over her face, her lips half opened, and her eyes, too, taking him in the way the sand takes the sun.

“What I did was wrong—bringing Hana here. I can see that now. And I hope that one day you’ll be able to forgive me,” said Min.

Soo-Ja swallowed and closed her eyes. The moment felt strange, unreal.

“Why are you up already?” Soo-Ja heard Hana’s sleepy voice, her body turning in the direction of their voices.

“You’re going back to Korea with your mother,” said Min.

“What? No, I don’t want to go back there,” said Hana, rubbing her eyes.

“You’re going to do what I tell you,” said Min, firmly but kindly. “For once you will listen to me. You’re free to disobey every other order I ever give you, but this one you have to listen to. You’re going home with your mother.”

“No. If she wants to go back, she can go back on her own. I’ll stay here with Grandpa and Grandma.”

“You think it’s so great to be here, don’t you? You don’t know what it’s like to live with them. I’m not going to let you go through what I did,” said Min. His voice shook a little, and Soo-Ja was struck by the intensity of his words. Soo-Ja thought he might continue, but he was overcome by emotion. “Being with them again reminds me of so many things. No one knows what I had to go through as a child—”

“I know what you went through,” said Soo-Ja quietly. She reached for him and held his head with her hands. Min had never spoken about his childhood, but over the years, Soo-Ja guessed the kind of torments he had suffered. “I know.”

Min finally regained his composure. “Go,” he said.

“Are you sure about this?” asked Soo-Ja.

“How much more can I take away from you, Soo-Ja? At what point do I stop?” Min’s voice cracked a bit, and he took a long breath. “I deceived you, Soo-Ja. I tricked you into marrying me.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I deceived you. And I can never give back what you lost, but I can stop making you lose.”

Soo-Ja and Min sat in silence, and they could hear the birds chirping outside. It had become day while they were looking away.

“What about you?” she asked.

“I’m going to stay here.”

“Why?” asked Soo-Ja, though she already knew the answer. “Why? What about Hana?”

“I want to be with my parents when they die. I want to take care of my father and my mother. It is my responsibility as the oldest. In spite of everything, I still want to be a good son.”

“You are,” she said. “I’ve always known that.” He’d never change, thought Soo-Ja. “But you’re making a big sacrifice.”

Min took the back of her hand and placed it against his lips. He kissed it once, then left it there, so that she could feel his soft breath on her skin.

“Dad, no!” cried out Hana, who’d been watching her parents, weeping. “I’m going to stay with you. I don’t want to go with Mom.” Hana got out of the bed and jumped into her father’s arms.

Min held her for a second, then he made her let go, made her look at him while he spoke. “If you ask yourself, deep down, Can I really live without her, the answer you hear is No, I can’t live without her. Your mother did so much for you, and she loves you so much. Where would you be, if it weren’t for her? Where would I be?”

Soo-Ja heard the sound of a car engine running outside. The taxicab had arrived. Seeing it outside the window made the moment feel more real, and Soo-Ja suddenly felt the urgency of it. She glanced at Min and saw the pain in his eyes.

“Maybe… maybe we can send Hana here for her summer vacation?” she asked, hoping to make this moment a little easier for him.

Min sighed with joy. “Of course. Yes. Hana, I’m going to call you every