This Burns My Heart Page 0,126

against the pink couch with her hands, as if to measure the thickness of the foam.

“You’ve made sacrifices for me, I know,” said Min. “You could’ve married someone else. But you stuck with me. Don’t think I don’t appreciate that. One day I’ll be able to make a sacrifice for you, and you’ll love me.”

Min looked away, toward the party outside. He watched his parents and his brothers and his sister smile and laugh at one another. Soo-Ja, following his gaze, looked out at the sea of bodies in the backyard, at Min’s big family. She noticed their laughter, their cheerful talk. She could see Min wondering what the joke was—the source of their happiness. She knew he would give anything to unlock it. If he lived here, he wouldn’t be alone even if he tried. She realized then how lonely he must have been in Seoul, with just Hana and her.

“You don’t need to sacrifice anything for me,” said Soo-Ja.

“I’d like for you to respect me.”

“I would have respected you if you had let me divorce you, all those years ago, and still keep Hana.”

“Is that what you want? For me to let you go?”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“Is that so you can go off with Yul?”

“I can’t, even if I wanted to. Yul said he was tired of waiting for me. There’s nothing left for me back in Korea,” said Soo-Ja, fighting back the sadness growing inside her. “And anyway, it’s not about me leaving you and going off with another man. It’s about you becoming the kind of person who’s willing to do what’s right for me and Hana.”

Soo-Ja noticed the sliding glass door open, and one of the guests made her way in. They would have to end this conversation for now. Min rose and turned his back to Soo-Ja, heading back outside.

“Yeobo …” Soo-Ja called out.

“What?”

Losing her father had been bad enough. Soo-Ja couldn’t bear to add Hana to her list of losses. Hana was all she had left—if she had to stay in this foreign land and serve as her father-in-law’s handmaiden in order to keep her daughter around her, so be it.

“If you and Hana really want to stay here, I—” Soo-Ja hesitated, her voice trembling a little, struggling to get the words out. It killed her to have to say it. “I’ll take your father’s offer. I’ll work for him.”

chapter nineteen

The party ended late, long past sundown, after the small caravan of Fiats and Cadillacs and Oldsmobiles noisily left the driveway, one after the other, like a procession. Soo-Ja retreated to the downstairs area next to the garage, a kind of fancy chauffeur’s suite, with its own bathroom, separate from the rest of the house. Hana and Min had been staying there, Min sleeping on the floor, and Hana by herself in the large queen-sized bed. Now that Soo-Ja was there, she and Hana would sleep on the bed, and Min on the floor. There was also a small TV in the corner, on top of an old chest made of paulownia wood. Soo-Ja stared at its dark grain, made all the more noticeable by the lighter shades surrounding it.

“Grandpa wants to see you.” Soo-Ja heard Hana’s voice behind her. Soo-Ja rose, only to be struck by the incredible silence in the house. She realized that this was where she’d live, not the bustling house of a few hours ago, filled with sunlight and life; but this—this eerie home where unhappiness seemed to linger like dust on top of the furniture.

Soo-Ja walked up the stairs and found herself in the dining room, which had been turned into a kind of multipurpose area, with a second refrigerator, an old leather couch, a color TV, and a round white Formica table pushed against the wall. Father-in-law sat at his chair, waiting for her, holding a backscratcher that he tapped on his knees lightly, repeatedly, as if counting time. Mother-in-law sat on the floor, a few feet away, her back against the couch; she had a quilted blanket on her lap, and she was stitching the silk cover. Min and Hana sat on the couch, supposedly watching the TV, but the sound was turned too low for them to actually hear. As Soo-Ja sat down across from Father-in-law, she knew the others were just pretending to be busy, and they were there for this conversation as much as she was, like human props placed there for an important scene.

“I want to make something clear to you.