This Burns My Heart Page 0,123

ride, and it was the buildings that glided closer to them. It was her first time out of the country, and the irony was not lost on her.

I suppose I did, after all, get to practice diplomacy.

When the taxi driver arrived in her in-laws’ neighborhood, Soo-Ja was astonished by the size of the homes—mansions really, full of room, with endless driveways, long enough for planes to land. Her in-laws’ house sat on a slope, surrounded by shrubbery, and to her it looked more like a park than a residential street. In Korea, only the very wealthy lived like that, but, as she found out later, this was simply middle to upper middle class. Soo-Ja glanced down at her clothes—a dark green one-piece housedress stamped with prints of white flowers—and immediately wished she had brought her pearl necklace. It was as if her daughter and her husband had been adopted by a rich couple, and the couple just happened to be her in-laws.

As Soo-Ja had expected, her first encounter in years with Min’s parents was tense, with long, bleeding silences. Fortunately, Soo-Ja had no time to dwell on this, as relatives began to swarm over her. Soo-Ja arrived, it turned out, on the day of Mother-in-law’s sixtieth birthday, and the house teemed with family and friends. Her brothers-in-law and her sister-in-law greeted her effusively, with all the fervor of Christian missionaries meeting a native, telling her how wonderful Hana looked, and how she was all grown up. Nobody mentioned why Soo-Ja was really there, though she could tell by the nervousness of their smiles that they were well aware of the circumstances under which Min and Hana had come.

Soo-Ja found Hana outside, in the backyard, emerging wet from the glistening swimming pool. Soo-Ja ran to hug her daughter, and when she saw Hana’s grown body, in her borrowed swimsuit, wrapped in a huge yellow towel, Soo-Ja knew she had already lost. She fought back a tear as she held Hana against her, and let her daughter lead her to a recently painted swing set, where they sat down.

Hana was eager to tell her everything about her grandparents’ house, and to show her around the garden. She treated her mother like a latecomer to some party whose pleasures and secrets she’d already sampled, and she would share them with her only if she promised to appreciate them. Soo-Ja had lost her authority over her daughter, lost her to this bright, three o’clock sunshine, and this giant backyard pulsating with wildflowers, and the reclining deck chairs that promised long, lazy afternoons where you could sip the world through a straw.

Not too long after, Min came to them and stood by Soo-Ja awkwardly. If they had been business partners, they would have shaken hands. If they had been boyfriend and girlfriend, maybe they would have kissed. If they had been relatives, they would have hugged. But they were husband and wife, and did not know how to greet each other. Soo-Ja was keenly aware, however, that they were being watched. There were three dozen people milling around—nephews and nieces of all ages, all the wives who’d married into this clan, the select friends from church—but they moved around with the expediency of background extras.

“You always told me you were afraid to fly. Did that fear just go away overnight?” Soo-Ja asked Min quietly.

“Hana, go take a shower and wash the chlorine off your body,” said Min.

Hana pecked her mother on the cheeks and left, a tearful expression on her face. Min took her spot, sitting on the swing next to Soo-Ja. They spoke quietly, watching the others gather by the barbecue grill, on the other side of the pool.

“Dad offered you and me jobs in his warehouse. They sell wholesale unisex sportswear. He said you could work the front area, and me in the back, but you’d have to learn Spanish. Most of our customers are from Mexico.”

“He’s very eager to boss me around, isn’t he?” Soo-Ja looked toward the house, where she knew Father-in-law was sitting on his plush white leather couch, probably watching them. “Why would I work for him when I could just start my own business in Seoul?”

Min bit his lower lip, an old habit of his when he was nervous.

“Dad wants to keep our money for us. He said it’s so we can contribute to the expenses here. He said we can’t expect to live here for free.”

Soo-Ja could not help letting out a small, rueful laugh.

“Look at this